A Yogi Valentine's

Since I first practiced yoga about 20 years ago, I knew it was something I believed in.  I wasn't quite sure why, but I knew.  Since then, I've practiced, read, researched, and completed my 200-hour teacher training... and I now teach, continue to practice, and continue to learn with training, reading, researching, and reflection. I still know very little, but I have a little bit of understanding about why I believe in yoga.

Valentine's Day has been a special time for me for many years.  As I've written in a previous blog post, Presence for Presents, it wasn't always.  I once rolled my eyes at all the stereotypical romance promoted for this day of love.  But I live in the 'love world' - that's what I call it - and that means love comes in many forms.

I'm that kind of person who finds joy in small things.  I always connected to nature.  I was told a young child told his mother that, "Tina is always smiling."  Of course, that was from a young child's perspective - I wasn't always smiling!  But, I was that person who generally lived in love... without trying and without knowing it.  Even in the workplace, I used love as a tool.  As a leader of a team, I did my best to use compassion in times of uncertainty or help me manage a difficult situation or empower my team.  I also turned to love when I didn't know what else to do.  I didn't really have a clue how to be a parent at 23 years old and single... so I decided I will simply love my daughter with every cell of my body and mind, and at least she would know love.  That couldn't be a bad thing, right?

This was the love world I lived in.  However, I was often (very often) without romantic love.  From others' perspectives, I didn't have much either.  I struggled financially.  I did not travel much.  I lived with my parents for several years until I could save a downpayment for a house.  I was rarely adorned with gifts at times like Valentine's Day.  I was single a lot.  I was often questioned about my single-dom and received looks of pity.  My response to this was usually that I loved my life as it was.

There were times over the years when I lost my sense of the love world.  If I go back and reflect on those times, I would probably see that every single time, I lost a sense of myself.  I forgot who I was. I disconnected from myself - the true source of love.

THIS is true love.  Romantic love is fabulous, and I'm grateful I have a wonderful husband to share that with (who DOES adorn me with presents and presence).  There probably isn't a better feeling in the world than the love a parent has for their children.  And I'm grateful I'm lucky to have the privilege to experience that love... and receive a child's love back in return.

But... I've come to learn that these things, as important as they are to me... are not where true love lies.  They could disappear.  Depending on them as a source of happiness is seeking love externally.

My source of happiness, I have learned over the years, is finding love for me.  That does not mean I need to pamper myself in the way many ads portray self-love.  Rather, for me, that means an unconditional acceptance of myself.  Really, you can get a weekly massage and a daily bath and take time to do all the things you love, and if you don't have complete self-acceptance, you still do not have self-love.

My Valentine's Day is every day.  Love is a practice.  If we cannot find love within ourselves, the external sources of love will never satisfy us.  We will always feel like we are seeking love.  Love and acceptance of ourselves is sometimes difficult, but like I tell my students, when you can become friends with all parts of yourself, the things you like and do not like, you can experience love... and then, and only then, can you spread it around.

As a yogi, I practice love everyday (practice meaning I'm not always successful).  However, I also love Valentine's Day and I definitely do chocolate and special activities.  Do these things make me happy?  Of course! The difference is that I practice not depending on them for my happiness.

"Only love of the absolute, eternal truth is the greatest."  ~ Naradi Bhakti Sutras 1.81

<3

Bumpity Flow - An Imperfectly Perfect Start to 2016

Do you make New Year's Resolutions?  Vision boards?  Intentions? For many years, on January 1st, I wrote pages and pages in my journal about my accomplishments over the past year and my dreams for the upcoming year.  It was a pretty good system. I was celebrating all the things I did rather than beat myself up about all the things I did not do.  And I was creating my vision for the next year... how I wanted to live.  It worked for me.  I felt refreshed and ready to begin a new year with passion and purpose.  During that time of my life, I was very goal oriented, and I felt great accomplishing these goals.  I was happy and content.

Now, I have a bit of a different approach.  I have shifted from being goal oriented to living with intention.  I think they can go together.  I was living with intention back then - my intention was to live a healthy, adventurous life and inspire my daughter to do the same. My goals were very much related to that.  However, I was driven by my goals.  Now, I'm driven by how I feel.  I'm not so attached to outcomes - a lesson I received from my mindfulness practice.

My 2016 began with a 7 hour drive from Central Newfoundland back to my home, followed by a weekend of getting groceries, unpacking from visiting family, tidying around the house, getting my 4-year old back on a regular sleep schedule (not there yet), trying to fit in some work that I didn't get done during the holidays, spending the last couple of days of holidays doing holiday things with my family, and sorting out the next week of activities, work, and life in general. Monday, I had three yoga classes to teach and had unexpected things happen that caused some stress.  I was watching others set intentions and begin their inspired new year routines, while I was working at barely keeping my head above water.

By Tuesday, I was down.

Tuesday, my energy had waned and my head pounded.  Although I had also stopped my Christmas indulgences a couple of days earlier, I caved and ate chocolate and cheezies.  Yes, even after posting a photo of my yummy detox green smoothie the day before!  I really should have posted a photo of my chocolates the next day for true authenticity:)  

Before Christmas, I had planned out my January.  It was full and I was excited about it... still am.  I wanted to begin the new year being that stereotypical healthy yogi and energetic but calm mom.  I set my intention: "I am free."  But something wasn't feeling right.  I was not aligned.  One of my challenges in my new life is to not be so goal oriented.  In the past, it worked.  I was your typical Type A, I am woman, hear me roar, kind of gal.  It was not a bad thing back then - actually, I was quite successful.  But now it doesn't work.  My old habits seep in, though.  I have this underlying belief that if I don't DO DO DO... I'm a failure.  It's plastered all over social media too.  All these posts about determination, discipline, persistence, hard work, success.  Yada... yada... yada.  I believe that really depends on your definition of success.  

Some days it is easy to pull up my big girl pants and move through the so-called failures and challenges head first - be persistent and disciplined and keep moving.  However, some days, I need to slow down.  I need to rest. I need to reassess.  I need to surrender.  I need to be OK with the fact that moving forward like a bull is NOT the answer.  It may only makes things worse because what's actually happening is I'm spiralling.  Sometimes DOING needs to change to BEING... even in business... and even if that is perceived as behaviour of non-successful people.  When I know when I need to take action and when I need to simply allow things to flow, I am free.

2016 has begun as a bit of a bumpy ride.  It has not been horrible by any stretch.  But it did not go as planned. My energy is low.  My neck is sore.  My to do list is not done.  In the past, I would have ignored how I felt and pushed through anyway.  It may have even worked back then.  But now, that approach simply does not work... and I know it does not work.  So I observed my attachment to the goals I had planned for the week and began to detach.  I began to flow over the bumps, rather than resist them.  I wasn't perfect. But that was the perfect way for me to begin 2016.

Just because we begin a new year.... just because we set intentions or create goals... just because we have decided to make some changes... doesn't mean we won't fall back into old habits.  A new year is also a continuation of last year... and all the previous years.  We bring all of our experiences with us into the new year. It takes consistency to create change.  It takes an ability to flow through the challenges and continue to revisit your intentions and make conscious decisions to choose differently.  The repetition is what makes your intentions work.  

In yoga, we learn about the three gunas: tamas, rajas, sattva.  Tamas is a state of inaction and darkness.  Rajas is a state of action and change.  And Sattva is a state of harmony and liberation.  We need all three and oscillate between all of them.  That's how we grow.  The first week of the new year for me was planned as being very much full of rajas.  It ended up being full of tamas.  And, in the end, I believe I may have found a little sattva.

Why Bother to Celebrate the Holidays?

I don't have cable TV to watch news broadcasts. I don't read the newspapers.  I avoid getting involved in social media complaining and bullying. I choose my news by searching online. If I can do something about a situation or I am curious, I may read more, listen more, do more. If I cannot, I will continue to be informed by choosing to read what I wish without being bombarded with negative news. However, I still see it and feel it.

We are surrounded by so many horrible world and local events.  People are starving.  People are dying.  People are fleeing from their countries in fear.  War is erupting.  Hatred, racism, and bullying pepper social media.  Suicide rates are on the rise.  Layoffs are rising.  Taxes are increasing.

It seems a bit selfish and naive to celebrate Christmas - or whatever other holiday you celebrate this time of year.  Even Pope Francis said celebrating Christmas when the world is full of hatred is a 'charade'.

So I had to think about why I celebrate... if I will... and if I do...  how?

I am celebrating Christmas.  Actually, I was raised Christian and now I believe in many things so I don't really consider myself 'Christian'.  I believe in love and peace, though.  And for me, that's the key for celebrating Christmas.

I believe that love and peace begins with yourself and spreads to those close to you... who then spread it to those close to them... and on and on with the ripple effect.  Social media has been wonderful at this.  I see that someone has done something wonderful, and I get inspired to either join them or do something else kind.  

So I believe that celebrating the holidays is more important now... in these times of turmoil.  I think it is also important to bring love and peace to the celebrations.  I will give presents.  I will have some holiday 'spirits' at parties.  I will smile.  I will share.  I will hug.  I will laugh.  I will find compassion. 

I will not complain because the photo machine is broken and there is a long line-up of people waiting to print photos.  I will not frown at the cashier in the supermarket who is working overtime in order for us to have fancy food on our tables for the celebrating.  I will not bi**h at the drivers who are butting in front of me trying to get to their destination faster.  

I will show my children how to love and live in peace.  I will demonstrate to them that kindness and compassion can change a person's day... life... including your own.

We will sing and dance because it is uplifting and maybe it will bring joy to others.  We will bring that uplifting spirit to others through our energy and smiles and conversation.

We will have a delicious Christmas dinner with a dozen or so people around the table because we are investing in being with and sharing with our family.  We will also spend a day cooking and serving food for those in need.

We will open presents on Christmas morning because it is a tradition, it brings joy, and it demonstrates giving.  We will also give presents to others in the form of purchased items, homemade items, and time.... some of those others we do not know but know they are in need. Some of those we know and know they are in need.  Some of those we know and know they are not in need but we are simply spreading joy and giving our presence.

A letter to Santa was sent.  It included asking for items for others in addition to a request for something special.

We will clean the house and put up a tree and decorate.  We will have a few special items in the pantry for treats.  We will also meditate and breathe and invest in our wellness during the 'hectic' days.  We will not make the holidays about having the perfect house, rather create a celebratory and loving environment.

I realize not everyone shares in my enthusiasm for celebrating the holidays.  I realize the holidays bring sadness and strife to many.  I will help those people when and if I can, and I will be mindful that we all have different experiences and not to assume anything.  I feel it is my responsibility to live the fullest life I can, and if I have been blessed with a good life, isn't it right to celebrate that?  Both by being the love I want to see in the world and by sharing it with others?

I'm celebrating the holidays because not celebrating is stopping the spread of love and peace.  And our world needs love and compassion now more than ever.

Merry Christmas!  Here's to spreading Christmas spirit <3 

Why We Opt Out of Self-Care

"Take care of yourself first."

"If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of others." 

"Focusing on self-care changed my life."

"Take time for you."

"Self-care is self-love."

Have you heard any of these things or anything similar? We all believe them.  We all agree.  But why don't we follow this advice?

Well, some do.  And they got it.  They have found their balance... until tomorrow when things change and they have to find a new balance.  Some will fall over then.  But some continue to find a new balance each day, riding the oscillations of life.  They may not need to read this post... of course in mindfulness, we are always curious and approach things with a beginner's mind, so maybe they will anyway:)  

Others continue to do their best... sometimes taking a walk in nature... sometimes drinking lots of water... sometimes eating healthy.... sometimes being very prepared for each day... sometimes getting enough sleep... sometimes exercising regularly... sometimes meditating.  That kind of describes me... the 'sometimes' girl.

Here's some of the good news... This is OK.  Because life is a roller coaster.  Life is not about staying the same each day.  Nothing is constant but change.

We find something that works, and then we have a month of kids' concerts, and work deadlines, and maybe the seasonal flu goes through your entire family.  And you feel like you've lost it.  You spend so much time caring for everyone else and barely getting enough sleep that you have lost your self-care.... and self-loathing may even seep in.

What if I told you caring for others CAN be self-care.

It's about how you approach it all in your mind.  When we have a lot on our plates... kids, jobs, activities, wellness, special occasions, etc., etc., etc.... we tend to let our self-care activities and attitudes go and then stress about letting them go.  This stress causes suffering, and this suffering heightens our lack of 'self-care'.  Yeah... beating yourself up about not taking care of yourself results in taking even less care of yourself.  It's called 'feeling bad about feeling bad' in my mindfulness training.

However, what if taking your kid to her soccer game was part of your self-care?  What if cooking supper for your family was part of taking care of yourself?  What if meeting a work deadline was a piece of fulfilling your passion, hence self-care?  

So many of my coaching clients get caught up in the busy-ness of life and create the idea that, 'I don't have time for self-care'... hence, are not self-loving... which just results in a spiral downwards. This is the advice I give to them (if they want advice).  Your life is full of your choices.  Lots of things are not in your control, but you can choose how you perceive them.  You may choose to dislike the fact your kids activities or work deadlines are taking you away from the gym or your time cooking a gorgeous supper from 'Oh She Glows'... or you can choose to like the fact that you value giving your kids these opportunities or you value putting your full energy into your work that you love or you value giving others your attention. 

This IS self-care.  

When you are behaving aligned with your values, you are caring for yourself. I'm not saying eat crap and never exercise.  When I ask a room full of people at my workshops what they value, pretty much everyone says family and health.  So, physical care (and mental and emotional care) is part of self-care because it pretty much always is a personal value.  But when you stop expending so much energy on beating yourself up for not going to an exercise class or not having enough time to cook a good supper or having to take care of your family so you cannot attend a weekend retreat... you then have more energy to be physically healthy and you will enjoy (or at least find contentment) in all the activities and deadlines that you believe are taking you away from your wellness... because they are actually part of your whole wellness.  How you treat your mind and how you manage your emotions are part of your self-care.

So the key to self-care is being aligned with your values and knowing it.  Knowing it and finding joy in it.  Understanding your attitudes and managing them.  When life gets busy, taking on an extra fitness class may not be the answer, but changing your mindset can change everything (and just may allow you to take on that extra fitness class:).

If you DO have time to attend a retreat and tend to yourself a little this Nov. 20-22, check out Tina's Unleash Your Creative Spirit Retreat in Ochre Pit Cove, NL (1hr, 45 mins from St. John's).

If you'd like to realign yourself with your values, check out the next workshop on Re-Creating Your Vision on January 14th, 2016, in St. John's, NL.

Life's Worth

My mother-in-law passed away last week.  Everyone experiences this kind of loss at some point.  It is never easy.  But I have to believe the difficulties life brings are worth something.

After a four year struggle and many near death experiences, she lay in her hospital bed for over three months.  We noticed her decline on every visit.  She was in pain.  She eventually did not get out of bed.  She eventually accepted her fate.  She did not go home again. She slowly lost interest in all things that brought her happiness.

But...

Her eyes smiled when her 4-year old granddaughter jumped into the hospital bed with her - the last time being two days before she died.  As time passed, her feeble arms getting weaker, she continued to share food - dessert usually - with the little girl that brought her joy.  On every good-bye with her children and their spouses, she said, "Loves ya!"  The nurses were always "some nice."  She was present even when she was tired, until she fell asleep.  She befriended her roommates when she could.  She exuded love even as her body deteriorated and she could no longer take part in this thing we call life.  She had birthday cards for her loved ones until the very end.  She gave.  She loved.

Some say her life wasn't worth living in the end.  She was in a great deal of pain.  I want to believe it was worth living.  I want to believe her final days were worth something.  I want to believe she felt loved and enjoyed something out of the final time she spent here on earth... and it meant something.

I wonder if the worthiness had nothing to do with her own life and everything to do with everyone else's.  She touched people's hearts.  She was adored.  Because she was a decent human being. She put others before herself.  Always.  She is an example to the human race.  She accepted life as it came.  She never judged others.  She gave whenever she could.  She gave extra attention to those who needed it, to those who were down on their luck, to those who others may not have given the same attention.  She was happy.  She was content.  She continued to love even when she was in a great deal of pain.  She continued to bring a smile to others' faces.  She continued to bring her family and friends joy.

She had many visitors in that hospital.  My daughter pranced the halls and played tea party with the ladies who were deteriorating with dementia.  Her visitors were often jovial.  Her daughters helped the staff.  Maybe the worth was there.

Peace quickly came upon her when it was time.  Her children surrounded her.  You could not express the love in that room during those minutes.  Everyone was one.  Any differences of opinion or belief did not matter.  There was a tiny moment, a glimpse, of pure love.  Nothing mattered. Nothing at all except peace.

Impact.  That is what she did.  She made an impact.  She did not try to make an impact.  She did not purposely set out to find her purpose and fulfill it.  She just did.  She was authentic and simply took on whatever crossed her path.  She never announced her successes or difficulties.  She did not desire for things to be different or to stay the same.  I am sure at times she had desires, but they did not stand in the way of her contentment.  She loved her community, her friends, her family, and her life. And she influenced how others live their lives.  Her legacy will live on. People will remember her kindness and it will influence their actions.

Even in the end, when pain overcame her, her life was worth something.  She was in pain, but her suffering was limited.  Because she accepted life as it was presented.

And that is the most worth a life could have.

A Tribute to Those that Leave this World Too Early

I remember thinking 45 was pretty old.  I was probably in primary school when my friend's mom turned 40, and I thought she was old.  I don't think so now.  Yesterday was my 45th birthday.  I don't feel much older than in my 20s... except for my aching body.  But my mind - other than foggy brain - feels young.  Oh, OK, I do feel a bit older than 25.  But 45 is still not old.

I have the spirit of a 20 year old.  I dream.  I laugh.  I am as silly as the next person.  I never believe I am too old for anything.  I love learning and continue to learn and change and grow.  I enjoy trying new things - for my 45th birthday, I started taking aerial yoga classes.  And I still plan to travel the world more than I already have.  I have a lot of dreams and plans for the future.

But imagine if you couldn't fulfill those dreams and plans. Imagine if all of a sudden, one day, they were gone.... taken away.  And it was impossible to fulfill any of them anymore.

I know too many people who have lost loved ones too early.

My uncle's partner, Tony, passed away in his sleep a day before my birthday.  He was 51 years old. He had plans and dreams.  He was well.  No signs of sickness of any kind.  His life is ended.  My uncle's plans and dreams of a life with his partner are now over.

So we remember the good times.  And the wonderful person Tony was.  It helps us get through.  He was always smiling - he even smiled with his eyes.  He was a successful entrepreneur.  He was a giving and respectful person.  He helped out my grandmother when she was alive - he cooked for her card friends.  He was an amazing cook.  He had a lot of friends - people liked him.  He loved my uncle.  One of the last conversations I had with him was one of their partnership and commitment. He was a wonderful person with a big heart and a big smile.

Yesterday, I honored Tony by spending my birthday living life as much as I could.  I tried not to take anything for granted.  I dedicated my actions and activities to Tony and all those that lost their lives too early.  Sounds a bit weird now that I type it out... but it was my intention.  And here's how I did it.

• I began my work day teaching a yoga class.  This is a new shift in my career and I love it.  When class was over, I took a moment to reflect on how lucky I am to have this opportunity to fulfill a dream in life.  I am a novice teacher, I have sooo much more to learn... but I can share what I know now.  And I currently still have the opportunity to continue learning.
• I returned home to my hugging 21 year old daughter and her boyfriend.  I revelled in it.  I have an amazing relationship with my daughter.  I know not all parents can say that.  I know how lucky I am to have such a beautiful connection with this incredible human being.  She is my teacher in life.
• I practiced yoga and meditated on the beach with my dear friend - who also brought me lunch for my birthday.  My meditation was one of gratitude for the pure amazingness of just being able to do that.  And for having a long lasting friendship with someone who never judges me... she totally accepts me.  Truly blessed.
• I took a business call - on the beach - and was open and honest about my services and what I could do to help... and I secured the contract.  Thank-you.  Seriously, business is not easy.  I have struggled with my business, but I have learned to be patient and grateful for whatever is happening because there are a lot of lessons the first few years... and you have to learn them in order to be successful in the future.  There's that word again... future.  I still have one.  Thank-you.
• I started my aerial yoga classes and I smiled at everyone in class as I learned how to fly.  I sometimes feel quiet and don't really want to be around people, especially when I attend classes alone and others seem to be in groups.  But I was committed to dedicating the day to Tony, so I smiled - like he would I imagine.  And I chatted.  And I thoroughly enjoyed every second of the class.  And, by the way, thank-you for the opportunity.  I drove home smiling.
• I came home to supper with my beautiful family - my husband, daughters, parents, daughter's boyfriend.  We sang happy birthday and blew out candles on two cakes - well, a lemon pie and a chocolate cake because I love both and my husband is like that.  I could not be more grateful for having my Dad present.  He's had a difficult year with his health, and we are all so lucky he's with us.  And my husband, who worked all day, arranged, cooked, and cleaned... told me to sit any time I offered to help.  I lucked out.  A truly beautiful spirit of a man.  And my daughter, who decorated and simply makes sure I'm always taken care of.
• I put my 4-year old to bed and fell asleep with her... actually, I think it was before her.  It really doesn't get much better.

As I turned 45, I contemplated on how quickly things can change.  I spent the day doing things I love with people I love.  Even things I did not love (my email went wonky and I spent over an hour trying to fix it), I did with gratitude... sort of... I did my best anyway... I did not freak out at least :)  Isn't that the way we can live every day?

I have learned that having an amazing life has nothing to do with doing BIG things.  It has everything to do with loving big with your heart wherever you are doing whatever you are doing.

Maybe I do feel older than 25.  When I was 25, I may not have seen how wonderful a day my yesterday was because I may have wished I was traveling the world or jumping out of a plane or eating a strange food in a strange land with strangers.  I still think all of those things are amazing. But so is being here now doing what I do with those I love.

Some people are taken from this world much too early.  Tony is one of them.  I believe the way to honor them and help live out their lives is to fully live ours.

Peace and love

How Desire Strips You of Happiness

Have you ever tried really hard to be friends with someone and the friendship never really came to fruition?

When I moved back to NL almost four years ago, I was starting new.  I was in a completely different place in life with a baby, I was beginning a new career and business, and most of my friends did not live here.  I met so many wonderful people; however, I have not made many new close friends.

I was yearning to make friends with certain people.  They seemed to be like-minded, fun, and 'real'.  But there was something missing....

They didn't include me.

That's not entirely true.  I was included in some events, mostly for business.  And everyone was kind to me.  But I wasn't invited out to dinner or for a girls night or to exclusive events.  I wasn't included on their list of 30+ like-minded friends tagged on social media posts.

So I kept trying.  You know... engaging on social media, sending personal notes, and working at the possibility of getting together beyond business.  And it just never happened.  This all did not bode well with me in my mind.  I have always been a likeable person and have not had to work so hard to make friends.  What was wrong with me?  Why didn't these people want to include me?

A couple of months ago in yoga teacher training, my teacher said, allow the karmic experiences to come to you.  And it struck me.  I've been pushing.  I've been desiring.  I've not only been searching for friends, but I've been searching for ways to help the world.  I've offered my time to a few associations and organizations and was turned down!  I've been seeking out ways to just do good.

I was filled with desire.  It was good desire.  Desire to help.  Desire to be around like-minded people doing good in the world.  But it was desire.

I had to surrender.  I had to stop desiring and start being in my life as it is.  Doing good starts right here.

Sometimes situations or people are not aligned with you even when it seems that they are.  This does not mean you or the other person is in a better place or that you don't deserve what you desire.  It simply means you are in a different place - right now.  That situation or person may very well come into your life at a different time - when you aren't pushing for it.

When your energy goes into desiring things to be different, you miss out on all the opportunities that enter into your world naturally.  Desire can strip you from happiness.  Desire results in wishing things were different.  But they aren't.  When you surrender to this moment, and you focus on all the things you CAN do, you find peace.  You find contentment.  You realize that you have choice.  You begin to put your energy into your own path, rather than desiring someone else's.  And it's far from selfish because you then have the energy to do good in the world.

In yoga practice when you do a balance pose... you must be grounded and focused or you lose balance.  If you look around the room and compare yourself to others or desire to be in their position, you lose balance... you might fall on your face (I have done that).  The key to a balance pose is drowning out the noise (literally and in your mind) around you and find focus.  If you wish you could be in a different place with the pose, you will likely lose your balance and not accomplish what you can do in that moment.

I began focusing on my own life.  I began focusing on what I do have and the beautiful people around me.  And I realized that there is a lot of good to do right here - I was missing opportunities to help that were right in front of me.

We all desire things.  Like in mindfulness meditation, though, if we can catch the desire... become aware of it... then we can take action to reduce and maybe even eliminate the desire.  Then you have the possibility to live the life you want.  You can't do that when you are desiring someone else's life.

<3