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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Don't Judge Me

"Don't judge me," says me.

When we speak of judgement, many think of judging others.  And that is part of it.  However, we also judge ourselves.  Alllll the time!!!  Being mindful means being purposefully present without judgement.  That means without judgement of your self too.

With my on-going saga of health issues.... inflammation, low energy, headaches, and sometimes just a feeling I can't describe but that I feel like a dump truck ran over me, but I have no broken bones and no life-threatening illnesses... I continuously tell myself I should be able to be the way I used to be.  I eat relatively well, I meditate (although I'm working on getting more of that in), and I used to be highly active (that has slowed as this state I'd rather not call 'unhealthy' began).  So... what's a girl to do now that physical activity has slowed to almost nothing and she keeps falling off the clean eating train?  Judge herself, of course!  And continue to eat chocolate.

I'm taking steps towards better health.  I've been getting laser treatment for inflammation and yesterday I got my Live Blood Analysis done - it only took me a year to book my appointment!  Turns out I have a parasite, likely from traveling south of the border (most people do), and several other things I need to clear up and check out.  

As I listened to my blood analyst, a wonderful lady and friend named Lesley Breen, tell me all the good (there is lots of good) and all the not so good about myself (blood tells an amazing story of you), I felt myself falling into that place... the one that beats us up.  "Why didn't you take care of this earlier?"  "How could you let this happen?"  "You know better." Thankfully, I have been practicing mindfulness for several years now, and I am aware of those judgmental thoughts that can spiral into ruination.  And I heard myself then saying, "Don't judge me."  And then I heard my analyst say, "You're doing something right."  Which I wouldn't have heard if I kept going down the dark path of judgement.

I won.  Today, I'm happy to say I have taken another step towards my health.  I did what I did in the past - and it's pretty good really.  Some things I had no idea impacted me - like heart stress when I was around 12 years old (could possibly be from to being bullied!).  Some were completely conscious, knowing how unhealthy they were - yeah.... the big golden 'M' comes to mind... and the late nights.... and the judgmental thoughts (the worst of the three).  But, I caught myself and I'm taking steps and I HAVE done good things.  My red blood cells are 'beautiful', so says my live blood cell analyst.  Whatever is happening to me is something that was going to happen... I've been triggered... it's happening... it's not bad or good.... and I'm taking care of it.

If you want to be healthy, happy, and live a beautiful life... you take the ups and the downs as simply... life.  Healthy, happy, and beautiful happens during the not-so-good times too... if you don't judge yourself.

Be mindful my friends.
Namaste