Given I'm on a love mission, I thought it was worthwhile to write today, on Valentine's day, and share my thoughts and meanderings. It doesn't make them right or meaningful... I just felt like writing.
Unlike some others, Valentine's Day has, overall, been a good day in my life. I received valentine cards as a kid. I had a boyfriend as a teen (he didn't always give me presents though!). As a 20-something single woman, I had a child to celebrate this day with, and I kinda made it a big deal for her. Not with presents, rather, with presence. In my 30s, I was also usually single, but I began to live in the love world. I tried to nurture love in all parts of my life. I knew this day was not about romance or couples or flowers or chocolates... and I got a little resentful of all the commercialism created on this day. I was single, after all, and all I saw around me was advertising that to be happy you must have chocolate, diamonds, flowers, and a partner to give them to you. I celebrated love but I really could not stand all the hype around Valentine's Day. I did not want to subscribe to society's views on relationships or marriage or the idea that a woman had to have a partner in order to be happy.
Then I met my husband. And he gave me flowers on our first Valentine's Day. And, surprisingly, I loved them.
I began to shift my views yet again.
It was not the fact that I received flowers that I loved. With the love I had for him came a softened heart. I loved celebrating love. Romantic love is just one of those types of love. I liked that I was with a man who nourished love in a relationship. Over the years, we have celebrated Valentine's Day with activities that demonstrate our love and acceptance of each other. I am all about presence over presents. But, we also celebrate our love all year long. Valentine's Day is just like my wedding band... a reminder to notice and acknowledge love and joy and acceptance.
Now, in my 40s, I have a young child again. And a husband. And a grown child who lives in the love world even more than me... who recently got engaged! And a brand new kitty. How can I not love Love Day?!
I do enjoy Valentine's Day... enough that I skipped my painting class last night to make heart shaped cookies and decorate them with my 6-year old. Enough that I am writing and sharing a blog today, after a 2 1/2 month lull.
Yes, love is important in this world. But it goes way beyond having romance in your life. It goes way beyond having children or pets to love. After all, everyone does not have these things. Love is for everyone and extends way past this world and into your Self.
The journey of self love is not an easy one. It is radical. It is uncomfortable. It is unknown for most. It is not about power. Or accomplishment. Or always being happy. Or even having the life of your dreams. And it is much more than self care.
Society has fooled us. Making Valentine's Day about romance and gift giving is no different than making success about accomplishments, the number of trips you take, or what kind of car you drive. It is no different than making someone worthy of love because of something they have done or been through. Everyone is worthy of love. As hard as it is to accept, even those who we believe are evil or bad are worthy of love.
Loving and accepting does not mean there are no consequences, of course. Nor does it mean we do not stand up for what we believe in. There is a dance between fighting for something and acceptance. I am grateful for those who came before me and who are currently fighting for social justice and equality. I am thankful for those who fought for my freedom. But if we are to improve the world, we cannot continue the same way of fighting. We have become angry and resentful and selfish people. The world will not survive in this way. The world definitely needs more love.
Us humans are arrogant and self-righteous. We feel we need to conform to society's facade that we need to be something more in order to be loved. We feel we need to be right in order to be good enough. We feel we need to prove that we are somehow better than and have more than others in order to feel worthy. Yet, we are more stressed and less happy... and we probably spend more money on Valentine's Day!
So, for me, now, Valentine's Day is more about Self Love and Peace in my world. I baked the heart shaped cookies, I have flowers on my table from my husband because he wanted to bring some beauty into our home, and I am sending chocolates to my nieces and nephews. These are all simply expressions of our love for each other. We also played love songs last night and danced and we will share a family meal together this evening and I will spend time today in meditation and reflection... contemplating this blog.... and practicing loving-kindness.
I don't have the answers. I have no profound words. All I know is that there is nothing wrong with celebrating love. We need more of it in the world. If we all took the time to learn more about self love, maybe valentine's day would not be so commercialized and the chocolate would be more enjoyed.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you live with ease.
And may you find joy in whatever Valentine's Day brings.
