After a four year struggle and many near death experiences, she lay in her hospital bed for over three months. We noticed her decline on every visit. She was in pain. She eventually did not get out of bed. She eventually accepted her fate. She did not go home again. She slowly lost interest in all things that brought her happiness.
But...
Her eyes smiled when her 4-year old granddaughter jumped into the hospital bed with her - the last time being two days before she died. As time passed, her feeble arms getting weaker, she continued to share food - dessert usually - with the little girl that brought her joy. On every good-bye with her children and their spouses, she said, "Loves ya!" The nurses were always "some nice." She was present even when she was tired, until she fell asleep. She befriended her roommates when she could. She exuded love even as her body deteriorated and she could no longer take part in this thing we call life. She had birthday cards for her loved ones until the very end. She gave. She loved.
Some say her life wasn't worth living in the end. She was in a great deal of pain. I want to believe it was worth living. I want to believe her final days were worth something. I want to believe she felt loved and enjoyed something out of the final time she spent here on earth... and it meant something.
I wonder if the worthiness had nothing to do with her own life and everything to do with everyone else's. She touched people's hearts. She was adored. Because she was a decent human being. She put others before herself. Always. She is an example to the human race. She accepted life as it came. She never judged others. She gave whenever she could. She gave extra attention to those who needed it, to those who were down on their luck, to those who others may not have given the same attention. She was happy. She was content. She continued to love even when she was in a great deal of pain. She continued to bring a smile to others' faces. She continued to bring her family and friends joy.
She had many visitors in that hospital. My daughter pranced the halls and played tea party with the ladies who were deteriorating with dementia. Her visitors were often jovial. Her daughters helped the staff. Maybe the worth was there.
Peace quickly came upon her when it was time. Her children surrounded her. You could not express the love in that room during those minutes. Everyone was one. Any differences of opinion or belief did not matter. There was a tiny moment, a glimpse, of pure love. Nothing mattered. Nothing at all except peace.
Impact. That is what she did. She made an impact. She did not try to make an impact. She did not purposely set out to find her purpose and fulfill it. She just did. She was authentic and simply took on whatever crossed her path. She never announced her successes or difficulties. She did not desire for things to be different or to stay the same. I am sure at times she had desires, but they did not stand in the way of her contentment. She loved her community, her friends, her family, and her life. And she influenced how others live their lives. Her legacy will live on. People will remember her kindness and it will influence their actions.
Even in the end, when pain overcame her, her life was worth something. She was in pain, but her suffering was limited. Because she accepted life as it was presented.
And that is the most worth a life could have.
