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Friday, September 21, 2012

Discipline is Not a Dirty Word

As much as I create goals for myself and accomplish them, I struggle with being disciplined.  It's like I have a block.  So... in my quest for self-mastery, last month I decided I was going to focus on improving my discipline.  It's no longer a dirty word (if you know me professionally, you know how I do not like the word 'discipline' for managing performance:).

I chose to be more disciplined with my running.  And guess what?  I managed to increase my frequency and endurance from a weekly 10-12k to 2-3 runs per week and a 20k!  Success due to INTENT!  This weekend I'll run a 1/2 marathon.  My first.  Interestingly, though, that's not my goal... my goal is to run a 20k, very hilly race in October.  It's more difficult than the 21.1k half marathon I'll run this coming Sunday.  And so, my discipline must continue.  I can't let it go after Sunday's race, which is so typical of me.

Discipline.  I struggle with it.  I just ate chips for my morning snack!  So now that I got my running kinda sorta under control.... kinda.... sorta.... I want to become more disciplined with my meals.  I skipped breakfast for many years.  Yep... I'm the one that worked through lunch too... maybe grabbing a banana and eating it at my desk.... oh and coffee... lots of coffee.  And then while preparing supper, I ate everything in sight... that is if I managed to get home in time to prepare supper.  My daughter was at the dance studio all the time so I just worked in a coffee shop while she danced... and I drank more coffee.  Then we'd have late supper and probably get take out.  Amazingly, I studied Dietetics and KNOW how bad these habits are.

For the past two years, I've been working on preparing meals.  Yep.  Two years.  And I just ate chips at 11 a.m.!  Yes.... discipline.  That's how it goes, hey?  I once read that self-discipline is like training a muscle.  Train it and it becomes stronger.  Don't train it and it weakens.  I guess I started with a very, very weak meal preparation muscle (hard to believe this, but I'm actually a good cook).

I used to beat myself up that I wasn't self-disciplined.  As a child, teen, and young adult, I was lucky enough that things often came easily to me... I received good grades with minimal effort.  I was blessed with a fairly good metabolism so could indulge and not gain weight (not so now!).  I learned new things quickly.  I increased athletic ability fast.  I was labeled a 'natural' in my musical talent.  I was the youngest in my class to be selected for ballet exams.  I didn't have to work really hard to get what I wanted.  But not exercising my discipline meant it weakened.  My talents and abilities did not grow.  And the beating up began.  For years.  But that's over now.  Phew!  And so is not having to work hard to get what I want.

So I'm continuing to work on self-discipline with my running and meals.  And this month, I've also added another item to my 'self-mastery' list: reduce or eliminate negative conversations.  It's amazing how one can be called a 'positive person' yet have so many negative conversations.......

Namaste

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Another Road

Ego:

I've been unemployed for 2 1/2 months in a so-called booming economy.  And it took a long time to get a job in Singapore.  And when I finally got a job, it was awful, really.  And when I got a job here in NL, I got laid off... and it wasn't doing what I wanted to do in the first place.  I've had a few interviews and I haven't secured a job.  I must not be employable.  I don't have anything to offer an organization.  I really wanted that job from the last interview..... what will I do?????  I can't get a job I want.  I can't even seem to get a job I don't want.  I need to make an income.  But my soul will wither if I don't enjoy my work.

Self:

I've had plenty of time to think about where I want to be in my career.  Funnily, all that time has made me realize I was heading in the wrong direction.  The last interview I had was for a job I really wanted.... and the interviewer told me I was a great match, but the person who got the job had education in a specialized area that I didn't have.  I do have the practical experience... and lots of education.... it shouldn't take too much to get up to speed.  I have a goal..... here I come!  Who knows where this will lead!

This is the conversation in my head these days.  It's more focused on the one from 'self'.... but I can't deny that the one from 'ego' creeps in at times.  It's true, though.  I'm unemployed and jobs that are a match for me where I live are scarce.  But in looking for work, I have narrowed down what I want to be when I grow up!  Funny how that is, hey?

My 18 year old started university this week.  And, it looks like I might be doing the same in the near future.  Again.  For the fourth time (already have two degrees and 3/4 of a third one).  I'm actually pretty pumped about figuring it all out.

So, here I am, beginning another career I guess.  But not really.  It's all related and my background is valuable for where I'm headed.... but it's still starting something new.  Without  my husband, it couldn't be.  Well, it could.  But it would take longer.  And it would be a much bigger struggle (I know because I've done that before too).  I'm so grateful for him... for a variety of reasons, of course.  But I digress...

My search for where to go to school and what program and what format and how long has begun.  I'll dabble in some part-time writing and consulting, but unless the right job opportunity 1) crosses my path and 2) becomes mine, then it's school for me... as long as that ego doesn't get in my way!

Wow... who would have thought............... life is pretty amazing.  And how easily the ego can strip away our dreams....

Namaste