Well, I restarted this blog writing in August and am just getting back to it. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to share that hadn't already been shared, discussed, read, created, etc. My writing ideas are just rehashed words from all the stuff that's already out there, it seems. But yesterday, I was thinking of posting about my 'Word of the Year' on my business social media pages, and I backed down. This is typical for me. I feel lost for the right words. And... halted by how to much to share.
This is an ongoing battle in my mind. One voice tells me to shut it all down, stop posting, who wants to read or see what my thoughts and opinions are anyway? The other voice tells me to go ahead, share, maybe it will have a positive impact on someone. And yet another voice warns me to share but be careful because if I overshare it might have negative consequences. And yet another voice (yes, I have many voices in my head!) tells me to connect in person and just forget social media. Share... in person.
So I get exhausted and do not post anything at all.
But I did commit to starting up this blogging practice again. So here I am four months later with another blog post :)
A few weeks ago I started thinking about my 'word of the year'. I have done this for many years... before I knew others did it. I have been working on rewiring some of my patterns in my mind and actions, so I thought maybe I won't do that this year. However, I couldn't help journaling about and reflecting on it. The word I choose is a guide for me into the new year. And if it's not working, I trash it anyway. So after some reflection, the word 'Experiencing' kept coming to me. Although this word felt right, I kept resisting it. I tried other words, like 'thrive', 'commitment', 'discipline', 'completion', 'whole'.... none of these felt quite right, although they all had components of what did feel right. So I rested on 'experiencing' for a few weeks. And it seems to have stuck.
So my word of the present moment is 'experiencing'.
What does that even mean? I didn't really know for a while. At this time, it means to fully experience whatever is in front of me. This doesn't mean only the so-called 'good' stuff. It means all the things. Emotions. People. Situations. Successes. Challenges. And experience them with a curiosity (that was another word that came to mind when reflecting on this). Accepting (another word) what is... and having that experience of it... not allowing the opportunity of an experience to pass me by, whatever it may be. So, if I'm in a situation that is unpleasant, or I simply don't want to be in, that means to experience what that feels like. It may also include making a decision to change the situation, but not without being in it fully first.
It also means to experience life more fully... to take more actions aligned with the life I want to lead. What we focus on grows kind fo thing. I am really great at making excuses. And some of those excuses are truly valid... pain and fatigue are definitely valid reasons not to do something quite physical. However, to shift into feeling better, sometimes we have to move through the discomfort, and I have gotten good at staying in my comfort zone in some areas of my life. So, 'experiencing' means getting uncomfortable and taking actions to bring me closer to this 'dream' life.... at the same time realizing I am already in a dream life. I have created this life, and I can create it differently. One of those things is getting back to yoga as a way of living and an asana practice. But also... experiencing the barriers and excuses and feelings along the way.
So... it may not seem clear and my explanations sometimes confuse me too... but it feels right. And I think that is yet another 'experience' I want to focus on. Feeling, sensing, intuition... getting out of my head. I'm conditioned to be in my head... think, analyze, evaluate, asses, plan.... I'm really good at that stuff. And although it is quite useful, I'm way out of balance and am choosing to experience things differently. Practice being more somatic, creative, and intuitive.
Interestingly, what I 'thought' I would write in this post, is not what I wrote. I went with my intuition.
Welcome to 2024! What is your guiding word?
