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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Do You Hear Me Calling?

Last week I went to The Dance Centre's end of the year recital - On With The Show.  My daughter danced there for 11 years, after a year of dance in Halifax.  When we moved to Singapore, she danced a little bit, but nothing compared to her dedicated past 12 years of practice.

This year, she started back at The Dance Centre with fewer classes than her previous seven or eight per week but a fire in her soul.  Within three months, she quit.  Sadness followed.  Maybe more for me than her.  Slowly, I accepted that my daughter was not dancing even though I KNEW it was her passion.

I was so knowing, you see, because I did the same thing at about the same age.  I didn't go to a dance concert for years following my departure from my passion.  It plucked my soul strings too hard - it hurt.  So when my wise daughter asked me to go to the dance concert with her, I was a little shocked.  I figured she'd follow the same path I did... waiting years to return to dance.... then not having the same skills and struggling through the acceptance that you're not really a very good dancer anymore.

No.  She went to the show - twice.  She thoroughly enjoyed it.  And she figured out her lesson.

My daughter was one of the top dancers in her class and her school.  She was the youngest assistant teacher they had up to that point.  She completed seven ballet exams and was on her eighth when we left the country for adventure.  She danced as many forms of dance as were offered.  She bowed with her fellow beautiful and talented dancers and teachers at the end of each show she and they performed.  She received flowers from the studio and hugs from her little ones she helped teach.  She dedicated herself to practicing hard.  When not at the studio, she flitted around the house with joy.  She made her mother proud and she filled her soul.  So the day she told me she was leaving dance, I was shocked.

At the show last week, I was wiping tears... for two reasons: 1) because my daughter was grown up and had worked so hard at this passion and then left it; and 2) because I also did not have dance in my life at this time.  As we walked to the car flowerless and costumeless, I asked my daughter if there were no constraints would she dance again.  Yes.  Absolutely.  And here's the lesson.

My wise child tells me that she realizes she left dance because she wasn't one of the best in the class anymore.  She lost some skills while her fellow dancers continued to grow theirs.  She was a little embarrassed maybe... a little proud... a lot disappointed.  BUT.... she has a plan and dance will be in her life again.

My grown up daughter has the same calling as me.  It's not too late for me to fill my soul with dance again.  But, I have so many things in my life that a dedication to dance isn't quite in the cards right now.  For my daughter, she has learned her lesson much earlier than me.

When you hear your calling, your soul would really appreciate it if you listened.


Saturday, May 5, 2012

Eye Nose... Eye Nose... Face It Tina... Face It

I had a wonderful friend when I was a teenager who used to say this... "Eye knows, eye knows, face it Tina, face it!"  And now I'm hearing it again.... but from a different source.

Searching for a job can be fun.  It can also be exasperating.  And demotivating.  And frustrating.  And exhausting.

I admit I was very selective in my search.  I applied for maybe 10 jobs since last Fall.  I had three interviews.  I got none of those jobs.  I was applying for positions that I had the qualifications for... I was ready for.  But, indeed, most of them were something different for me...a bit of a leap... a challenge.  I was so ready to take it on!  More responsibility.  Learning new ways of doing things.  A new, less flexible maybe, environment.  A step towards being CEO by the time I'm 50!  Yeah, yeah... I've written it down.

With each job application, I got excited writing my cover letter.  Oh yeah, baby, this is the job for me!  A perfect fit!  I'm envisioning working in this organization.  I got this!

You may see a trend with some of my posts... I get excited about things and confident they are going to happen if I believe it.  But it doesn't always work out that way.

Some greater force got in the way.  An opportunity came to me.  I did not seek it out but I could not say no.  I am working with a small engineering telecommunications company - a boutique - as their Head of Human Resources and Organizational Development.  It sounds grand.... and it is... in this case it means I have to create that whole 'department'.  The company is in a growth stage and has limited HR programming or processes.  It's a side step for me.  BUT... it's flexible.  I get to continue to write.  I get to spend time with my baby.  I can create what I want.  I have a blank slate!  I even still have a bit of time for a bit of consulting work.

My search with the large, more complex, more structured organizations did not work out for me at this time.  I started work last week and it feels so natural.  I like it.  It really is a perfect fit for me right now.

"Eye knows, eye knows, face it, Tina, face it." ~ The Universe