My Crazy Cat Eats Earrings

So....  I live with a crazy cat.  I also live with a kind, yet strange, husband, a silly and weird teenager, and an active toddler that, let's be honest, challenges me at 42 years old (in a good way).  Oh!  And, I started my own business.

I'm stretched a little thin.

Yesterday, my toddler was being a typical curious almost 2-year old and figuring out that the bottom tray of the dishwasher rolls out.  So she rolled it out.  Onto my foot!  I screamed.  I mean, I really screamed.  Not at her.... just screamed out loud into the universe.  I have chronic pain that I've recently admitted to and started managing through diet and other methods.  One of the things with chronic pain is that your pain tolerance reduces.  I used to have a tremendously high pain threshold... now it's minimal.  And so, when I get a knock or the bottom tray of the dishwasher lands on my foot, it hurts.  And I scream.  It's not pretty, I admit.

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I realized one of my earrings was missing.  AGAIN!  The cat took it.  She takes earrings and elastic bands and we either find them in strange hiding places or never find them at all.  Another pair of earrings gone... well, one earring gone, but who wears one earring?  Well... maybe, yes, some do... but I digress.  The point is.... I got frustrated at the cat.  I scowled and huffed and puffed.  I think I literally said, "Grrrr."

The craziness of the cat, strangeness of my husband, and weirdness of my teen must be rubbing off.

Is there something good out of this?  Yes, of course.

I've spent years developing myself.  So having these moments of frustration, anger, pain, etc. drive me insane.  HOWEVER.... my recovery time is less than five minutes in most cases.  OK, maybe I was grumpy for 10 minutes after the dishwasher tray episode (I do have a bruise).  In my defense, I was laughing after 10 minutes.

That's the lesson.  We all have all emotions.  We're human.  Identifying them, managing them, and recovering quickly from the bad ones is what it takes to be able to not let them take you over.  And I'm practicing this lesson a lot these days.

The cat, on the other hand, just gets to be crazy and no one questions it.  Lucky cat.

When Mama Needs a Mama

A Mom always needs her Mom.  And a Mama sometimes really needs a Mama.

When my daughter was 10 months old, I became a single mom.  I was in that 'state' for 15 years until I met my husband... that's a blog for another time.  Anyway, when my daughter started school, I started to meet other parents.  And over the next few years, a group of Mamas formed.

For me, it all started with Mama CF... she was our inspirational, world-travelling, successful mama.  Then came the birthday parties and Mama ST became an amazing friend.  She always smiled and remembered important dates and called just to say hi.  She still does.  And she delivers baked goods.  Mama KO knew all the news and gathered the troops so the parents all knew each other - the 'connector'.  Mama JA, formerly known as Mama JF, often provided the venue and the nachos... and the medical advice.  Mama AF was younger than me.... she brought youth and craftiness and, in time, adventure... she also attracted male attention to our group:)  We all brought the wine... or Corona... whichever was the preference.  We laughed a lot.  We were silly.  We made hard times easier.

There were more mamas (and a few papas too), and they all brought wonderful energy to our 'support group'.  Over the years we leaned on each other for parenting, divorces, new relationships, camping woes (which always lead to awesome stories later!), emotional breakdowns, celebrations, tire changes, graduations, proms, exams, international moves, science fair projects, over-nights, birthday parties, team sports, concerts, road trips, kids' boyfriends/girlfriends, a lot of firsts.... the list is endless.

Our kids have grown.  They've gone their separate ways.  The mamas have somewhat as well.  A few of us still get together regularly and we throw a Christmas mama brunch or supper each year for everyone.  But our needs have changed...

Errr...  HALT!  THEIR needs have changed!  I now have an almost 2 year old as well as my 19 year old, career investigating, legally partying 'child'.  I'm changing diapers while discussing universities!  Where is THAT manual?  I need some mamas!

I love my Mamas and I probably would have melted into oblivion without them over the years.  And they're still in my life.  But, is there such a support group as mamas with children aged 2-19??

This is a funny, yet amazing, place to be... and sharing it with a few Mamas would really be spectacular.  Terry is a Papa.  A really good Papa.  Actually, an amazing Papa.  But a Mama sometimes needs a Mama.

To all the Mamas.... Namaste

Don't Put Beer in the Baby Bag

This morning I'm driving my husband's car.  This past weekend, we drove my car about 1500 km (back and forth) in order to have 1 1/2 days of skiing and snowboarding on a great hill - and the windshield broke.  A truck in front of us kicked up a rock.  That's how the weekend ended.

Last week was hectic.  The baby was out of daycare for two days (sick-ish).  Terry was getting sick.  Terry's mom was visiting while she waited for a doctor appointment (underlying stress for all as we waited for CT Scan results... all excellent!  Yay!).  We all had a hard week at work and school.  When Friday hit, we were pumped to drive 750 kms to the other side of the province to have a couple of days riding down snowy slopes.

We arrived after midnight and were on the hill by 10:00 a.m. Saturday.  The first ride was a-ma-zing.  We were feeling goooooddd.  Hill two.  Brittany passes me now.  She flies down the hill like the skilled boarder she is.  Terry is also much more skilled at skiing than I am at boarding.  I've really lost my snowboarding ability since having a baby, but I digress..... so I'm taking little jumps as I completely enjoy my second ride and I'm killing it!  I'm making it a few inches into the air!!  Wooohoooo!  I'm flying!  *sarcasm*  I see Terry stopped... waiting for me.... and there's a little pile of snow in front of him.  I know exactly what to do (impress!).  Swish... swoosh... bend the knees... lift... jump... fly.... PLOP!  Or should I say BELLY FLOP!  Sweet lord, the wind was knocked out of me.  My brain shook.  It took a good 5 minutes before I felt clear enough to make it the rest of the way down the hill.

And so the weekend began.

I spent the rest of the day struggling with the fact that I simply was not as skilled at snowboarding as I used to be.  The day was still fantastic.  The snow was fluffy.  The air was fresh.  My board didn't seem to want to keep moving on flat parts so I had to bend over and push myself until I reached a hill.  Towards the end of the day, I had another fall.  This time, backwards.  Right on my butt.  My neck whacked backwards and cracked and crunched.  Now, I knowingly was to have sore muscles equally balanced on the back and  front.

The day ended and we were all tired and refreshed and happy with our first day out for the season (albeit a tough one on the body!).

We were all asleep by 9 p.m. that night.  And the baby slept until 6:45!  Heaven.

Sunday's snow was even better than Saturday's!  We managed to get on the hill by 9:30 a.m.  This is a great feat for parents of a 1 1/2 year old.

I learned my lesson on Saturday though.  I took it easy.  I took breaks when I felt I needed to.  I didn't try to keep up with Brittany and Terry.  I enjoyed the scenery.  AND... I listened to my music.  Literally and figuratively.  I was not 'there' on Saturday.  I did not accept the fact that my skill level has declined and I had to slow down.  But on Sunday, I plugged in my earphones, I practiced acceptance, and I enjoyed the ride.

It was bliss.

Of course, the weekend had to end.  We had to pack it up and drive back 750 kms.  As we pulled the cart of luggage (an amazing amount for two days) the baby bag tipped off and fell to the floor.  We had two bottles of beer left over from our big party night (between three of us we drank 4 beer while we watched a TV show) the night before.  In our last minute of fury packing, Terry poked them into the baby bag.  And yes.  They smashed in the baby bag when the bag fell to the floor.  Crash.

Being beat up physically as well as by the ego, I was already primed to have a little freak-out.  I had a short snap of unconsciousness.  "Why did you put the beer in the baby bag?  I said it wasn't a good idea."  Oh, the self righteousness!  I stewed for a good 10 minutes as we cleaned up the mess, threw all of the baby's food for the drive in the garbage, put her beer soaked clothes into a separate bag, and finished packing the car - now smelling a little beer-like.

A few breaths later and a few apologies from Terry... and a coffee.... we're having a grand chat and all is in the past.  It was so not a big deal.  And I so over-reacted.  And I so apologized for it.

Anyway, we made it home.... and when the rock flicked up to our windshield and cracked it, Terry had a little stew of his own.  Thankfully, I'm  not the only human around here.

Namaste

Surrounded

Photo: NLOWE

Last night I went to the Newfoundland and Labrador Organization of Women Entrepreneurs (NLOWE - www.nlowe.org) Awards Gala.  I saw people I hadn't seen in 2 1/2 years (since moving away to Singapore), people I met over the last year (since moving home from Singapore), and new friends and colleagues that I know I was meant to meet.  It was a powerful group of people.  Success surrounded me.

Today I had lunch with two spectacular women.  One I met through work but has become a friend over the years.  The other I met through work as well and we're becoming fast friends.  Success surrounded me again.

All of these women are talented, strong, powerful, inspirational, selfless, giving, and simply amazing.

What struck me last night at the Gala was how eloquent and humble the winners were.  These award winning women ranged from a Young Entrepreneur who has a successful and growing local business called Beautiful Rock (producing 100% natural bath, body and baby products) to the winner of the Entrepreneurial Excellence Award (who also won the Community Impact Award), who has been powerful and driven since her teen years and now owns restaurants and properties and gives back to the community through her commitment and involvement in numerous charities and non-profit organizations.  She brought a tear to my eye with her genuine gratitude towards her family, who anchor her, and her team.  In fact, I also got teary eyed when she warmly told her reason for being involved in one of her charities.

All of the winners had a vision and demonstrated true passion, knowledge, and commitment to their goals.  They are truly an inspiration to look towards when being an entrepreneur gets tough (and it does!).

I can't forget that our female Premier of our Province was the key note speaker... It's true, some thought her speech was too long... but she delivered it with passion from the core of her heart.  I think it's the most real I ever saw her speak.  I say, "Well Done!"  She's the Premier of our Province for crying out loud!!  Not many have the guts to take that on.

Oh and also, I sat at the remarkable women's table for sure!  (I'm sure every table was the same).  I was truly surrounded by visionaries serving the world through politics, business, and helping others.

Today's lunch had no awards, no keynote speaker, no fancy meal or networking event.  But it was just as powerful.  If you can imagine three women who all have the same passion about coaching others, building leaders, and the impact this has on society and in organizations at the same lunch table, with only two hours to 'fit it all in'.... then you have my lunch experience today.  These two women have families, amazing careers in multinational companies, traveling experiences, knowledge that they not only hold but want to share (yahoo for me!), and still act with grace, compassion, and authenticity.  They are remarkable beings with a humorous side.  We talked and listened and laughed and didn't even notice the time fly by.  I can't wait for our next lunch!

How on earth did I find such incredible people to surround me?  If I was my own coach, I'd probably ask me, "Why do you think these people are surrounding you?"  And then I'd say, "I attracted them into my world because it's where I am and want to be."

Thank-you to my amazing friends, old and new, and to NLOWE for creating this space for miracles.

Namaste

I Was... Were You?

Bullied.  I was bullied when I was in Grade 8.  I had a big Halloween party planned with all my friends.  We had our costumes made and big plans for a fabulous night.  The event was going to be the best event of the year.  Then I wrote a note in class saying one of the girls was an a**.  I don't remember why I wrote this.  I was not the type to do so.  I was actually a pretty popular girl now that I look back.  And I was friends with everyone, popular, not popular, jocks, musicians.  But we all said things about each other and wrote notes in class.  That was probably the worst note I ever wrote.  But she found it.

She and the whole group confronted me that day.  Everyone was full of hatred.  The next day, one of the girls threw my Halloween costume in my face (her mom had made it).  The days and weeks that followed were almost impossible for me as a 13 year old girl.  One of my best friends planned a Halloween party and invited all the same people.  There was name calling.  Ignoring.  Threats to beat me up.  Nasty phone calls.  It was a difficult time... not only for me, but for my parents.

One day after school a group of the people bullying me were calling me names and throwing snowballs at my Dad's car.  My Dad stopped the car suddenly and got out and asked them what they thought they were doing.  Throwing snowballs was dangerous.  They responded with, "She called so-and-so an a**."  My Dad essentially told them to get over it and grow up.  They are hurting people and could cause a lot more damage.

My Dad got back into the car and told me to never write another negative thing like that on paper.  I was pretty proud of my Dad that day:)

I also had a friend at that time who didn't go to my school.  She invited all of her friends to my Halloween party and it was the best party I ever had!  My parents went the extra mile and we had KFC and awesome music and a light show.... pretty amazing party back in the 80s.

And then there was another girl, a friend, who made it possible for me to enter the classroom each day.  She didn't follow the crowd.  She did her own thing.  She even came to my party and not the other girl's.  I knew that when everyone in the class was ganging up on me, she would be there on my side... not saying anything, but not bullying me either.

And those three things got me through.  Being an excellent student and being involved in extracurricular activities also helped.

So what does a teenager do when their parents may not be aware or available?  What if they don't have a friend outside the bullying crowd?  What if there isn't at least one person in their class that stands by them?  What if they don't have an escape to their extracurricular activities?  What if social media causes all of the 'outside school' friends to follow the bullying?

Amanda Todd "had nobody."  She cried out because she "needed someone."  It doesn't matter what she did.  It matters that she was troubled enough to ask for help and then commit suicide.  It matters that our systems in society didn't catch this in time.  It matters that she's not the only one to cry out for help and not get it.

The people that participated in bullying me grew up to be wonderful, beautiful people.  I'm friends with them today.  As teenagers, we're just learning how to behave, how to monitor our thoughts, how to choose what actions are worthwhile to take, where to place our energy... who we are.  We need guidance.  We need help.  We will face intimidation.  We will face animosity.  We will make mistakes.  (I still do!!!)

Parents  need to be aware and support their kids.  But they also need to help educate them to understand bullying... that the bullier has his or her own problems.  And here is where the bigger systems need to step in.  Parents need to be educated too.  Parents need to understand bullying.  Parents need to be able to recognize the signs.  Parents need to be conscious themselves and help raise the consciousness of their children.

This blog post is a cry out to parents and teachers and adults.... educate yourself.  Join the Conscious Parenting Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Consciousparentingnow).  Google 'conscious parenting' and read about it.  Learn about how to become a more conscious person and become that.  Your elevated awareness will have a ripple effect.  Your children and the children around you will become more conscious.  We have to start somewhere and becoming a more aware, more educated person yourself is a good place to start.

Namaste

Smokin' Drivin' & Havin' a Chat

I was driving my daughter to daycare the other morning and stopped in a line of traffic.  I happened to look in my rear view mirror and the driver was talking on the cell phone.  Worse.... the driver was also smoking!  While driving!  Seriously.  Smoking while driving!  How can one multi-task so much?

Well, the answer is this.  She's a woman.  Not that men don't multi-task... not going there.  But I've spoken to so many women who manage being everything to everyone and still have great hair.  How on earth do they find the time to do their hair??

My last blog talked about discipline.  I'm still working on it.  And while I'm getting more disciplined, I'm getting more done... and my to-do list gets longer!  Because I'm more productive and disciplined, I guess I feel I can take on more.  So I took on two courses and decided to stop waiting around for that perfect job.... and started my own business.  It's in development but I already have a small contract.

So these days I'm a mom to an 18 year old, a mommy to a 15 month old, a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a friend, a chauffeur, a student, a business owner, a cleaner, a cook, a reader (I also joined a book club), a runner, a yogi, a writer...... it's exhausting.  I love every role I have.  I love my life.  But something's gotta give.  So cooking it is.  Oh yeah, and cleaning.

Welcome to my home.  It's messy, but my hair is clean.

Namaste

Discipline is Not a Dirty Word

As much as I create goals for myself and accomplish them, I struggle with being disciplined.  It's like I have a block.  So... in my quest for self-mastery, last month I decided I was going to focus on improving my discipline.  It's no longer a dirty word (if you know me professionally, you know how I do not like the word 'discipline' for managing performance:).

I chose to be more disciplined with my running.  And guess what?  I managed to increase my frequency and endurance from a weekly 10-12k to 2-3 runs per week and a 20k!  Success due to INTENT!  This weekend I'll run a 1/2 marathon.  My first.  Interestingly, though, that's not my goal... my goal is to run a 20k, very hilly race in October.  It's more difficult than the 21.1k half marathon I'll run this coming Sunday.  And so, my discipline must continue.  I can't let it go after Sunday's race, which is so typical of me.

Discipline.  I struggle with it.  I just ate chips for my morning snack!  So now that I got my running kinda sorta under control.... kinda.... sorta.... I want to become more disciplined with my meals.  I skipped breakfast for many years.  Yep... I'm the one that worked through lunch too... maybe grabbing a banana and eating it at my desk.... oh and coffee... lots of coffee.  And then while preparing supper, I ate everything in sight... that is if I managed to get home in time to prepare supper.  My daughter was at the dance studio all the time so I just worked in a coffee shop while she danced... and I drank more coffee.  Then we'd have late supper and probably get take out.  Amazingly, I studied Dietetics and KNOW how bad these habits are.

For the past two years, I've been working on preparing meals.  Yep.  Two years.  And I just ate chips at 11 a.m.!  Yes.... discipline.  That's how it goes, hey?  I once read that self-discipline is like training a muscle.  Train it and it becomes stronger.  Don't train it and it weakens.  I guess I started with a very, very weak meal preparation muscle (hard to believe this, but I'm actually a good cook).

I used to beat myself up that I wasn't self-disciplined.  As a child, teen, and young adult, I was lucky enough that things often came easily to me... I received good grades with minimal effort.  I was blessed with a fairly good metabolism so could indulge and not gain weight (not so now!).  I learned new things quickly.  I increased athletic ability fast.  I was labeled a 'natural' in my musical talent.  I was the youngest in my class to be selected for ballet exams.  I didn't have to work really hard to get what I wanted.  But not exercising my discipline meant it weakened.  My talents and abilities did not grow.  And the beating up began.  For years.  But that's over now.  Phew!  And so is not having to work hard to get what I want.

So I'm continuing to work on self-discipline with my running and meals.  And this month, I've also added another item to my 'self-mastery' list: reduce or eliminate negative conversations.  It's amazing how one can be called a 'positive person' yet have so many negative conversations.......

Namaste