That is a question many people who search for truth grapple with. Most will answer with their name, a description of their job/career, role in a family, activities they excel at, etc. But that's not really the answer, is it?
I spent a good portion of my life striving to be someone. I took all the steps to become educated. At an early age, I became a Mom. I dedicated my years to being a great Mom and successfully fought the stereotype of a young, single mom. My career grew and I became a leader in my organization. I was healthy and fit.
I identified with all of these things. You have probably heard me say it before, I was a fiercely independent, career driven, healthy, single mom. And I was successful at it. I put my energy into it. I was proud of my success. I attached to it. (Yes, I probably still attach to it:)
Then it was taken away.
When I say it was taken away, I simply mean, it changed. I married. I had another child. I left my job and eventually had a complete career change, and struggled through it, even though I loved what I did. Chronic pain and burn-out lead to depression and lack of activity.
So I was no longer the person I thought I was. I was now an unemployed, unhealthy, married mom of two.
I lost my identity. I kind of crumbled, even though many of the changes were wonderful. I had no idea who I was. My role changed. I had no idea where or how I fit in. I was having an identity crisis.
I was also an entrepreneur. And a yogi. I began attaching again to those descriptors, which gave me a sense of belonging. For a while, they fit, and I became proud of them. But something was not working. You see, I was still attaching to an idea. I still AM attaching to an idea that I must BE something in order to have value.
My identity brings me value. And we all need to feel valued. My identity gives me a place to belong. And we all need to feel like we belong.
So, I'm still grappling with who I am. I have had glimpses of different levels of consciousness that bring tremendous joy and peace. That is who I am, truly. But I have manifested into me on this physical plane. So who is me? And why am I here?
I'm on this journey now. I'm detaching (it is taking me a long time!) from my past identity... and releasing who that person was. She had a purpose, and I'm learning gratitude for that. I'm forming a new identity, and I'm working on being more flexible with it. That Tina will also serve a purpose. I'm uncertain what it is right now. But, as opposed to feeling I had zero value when I was in a dark place of depression, I know that just by being here in this body with this spirit, I bring value. Sometimes I just don't know what it is. And that is OK.
We are all evolving all the time. But when we attach to an identity, we can get stuck, and it can hinder our growth. So, I think I'll look at this identity crisis as an identity evolution instead. There is value in that. Because now, more than ever, I feel alive.
If you have gone through an identity crisis, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at tina@pomroy.ca. Sometimes sharing our story helps with the evolution <3
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