We bought this big, beautiful house almost five years ago after returning from living in Singapore. My youngest was four months old when we moved in and my oldest was almost 18. We put effort into making this house our home. We painted it warm colors and laid floors that were delightful to walk on. We bought furniture that suited the space. My husband poured hours and hours into planning and renovating the basement so that our oldest could have her own space and I could have an office. And that space is wonderful. We used our spare room for many visitors, including my mother-in-law, who was sick for many of the years we lived here. My husband created raised beds in our garden for vegetables and we planted flowers and greenery in our gardens that are always pleasing to watch blossom. I usually take a moment each time I drive into our driveway to take in the beauty of the garden.
We have wonderful neighbors. My five year old is making friends in the neighborhood. I just received a note from a neighbor down the road saying she was sorry we did not meet earlier.
I have worked in my dining room (Yeah, I know, I have a beautiful office, but I love the light in the dining room.) day after day with the patio door open, the light breeze flowing in, and the sounds of birds chirping filling the room. I have worked on the patio, smelling the odours of grass and trees. I have looked out the kitchen window as I cooked supper and watched my daughter playing in her sandbox. I have practiced yoga on my sunshiny deck, in my spacious office, in my dining room, in my airy bedroom, and in my brightly lit living room.
I have wedding photos in this house. We had birthday dinners, complete with decorations, in our dining room. We cut down our own 14 foot Christmas tree to display in our living room with the big window and vaulted ceiling. I had tea morning after morning with my mother-in-law in that same living room. My parents, husband, oldest, and I sat in the playroom as my youngest entertained us. I had many cups of coffee or tea and glasses of wine with interesting, funny, and philosophical conversations while sitting at the island in the kitchen with friends and family.
Like most people, we've made beautiful memories here. Five years worth of beautiful memories.
I have also had a strange five years. I struggled with starting my own business. I've had depression. I raised my youngest from infant to school age. I've raised my oldest from high school to independence (well, sort of:). I had a career change. I got married. My parents have been sick. My mother-in-law passed away. My brother became estranged from my family.
Although the last five years have been beautiful and meaningful and, in many ways, some of the happiest times of my life... I'm ready to move to the next chapter.
I knew this house was not a forever home. It has served its purpose. It has served it well. Now, we move to a smaller house with a bigger yard. There is work to be done to make it our own. Purging is taking place. But it is aligned with where we are in life right now.
We are looking forward to making new memories there. My oldest will have her own full, first apartment to decorate and make her own. My youngest will have a big back yard in which to play. The sun shines in our yard all day long. The property is covered with big, old trees. I imagine I will practice yoga on the patio, listening to the birds chirping and feeling the breeze from the trees. I imagine I will watch my daughter play from the kitchen window as I cook supper. I imagine we will have birthday celebrations, smaller Christmas trees, and visitors squished into a space somewhere. I imagine we will build raised vegetable beds and plant flowers. I imagine we will meet wonderful neighbors. I imagine I will work in my dining room (because I will not have an office:) with the patio door open.
I imagine we will make many beautiful memories in our new home.
That, I think, is what helps remove the big attachments. However, I'm also taking time this week as I pack to feel the attachments and say good-bye to this chapter. It's OK to feel sad. It's also OK to feel happy at the same time.
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