Surrounded

Photo: NLOWE

Last night I went to the Newfoundland and Labrador Organization of Women Entrepreneurs (NLOWE - www.nlowe.org) Awards Gala.  I saw people I hadn't seen in 2 1/2 years (since moving away to Singapore), people I met over the last year (since moving home from Singapore), and new friends and colleagues that I know I was meant to meet.  It was a powerful group of people.  Success surrounded me.

Today I had lunch with two spectacular women.  One I met through work but has become a friend over the years.  The other I met through work as well and we're becoming fast friends.  Success surrounded me again.

All of these women are talented, strong, powerful, inspirational, selfless, giving, and simply amazing.

What struck me last night at the Gala was how eloquent and humble the winners were.  These award winning women ranged from a Young Entrepreneur who has a successful and growing local business called Beautiful Rock (producing 100% natural bath, body and baby products) to the winner of the Entrepreneurial Excellence Award (who also won the Community Impact Award), who has been powerful and driven since her teen years and now owns restaurants and properties and gives back to the community through her commitment and involvement in numerous charities and non-profit organizations.  She brought a tear to my eye with her genuine gratitude towards her family, who anchor her, and her team.  In fact, I also got teary eyed when she warmly told her reason for being involved in one of her charities.

All of the winners had a vision and demonstrated true passion, knowledge, and commitment to their goals.  They are truly an inspiration to look towards when being an entrepreneur gets tough (and it does!).

I can't forget that our female Premier of our Province was the key note speaker... It's true, some thought her speech was too long... but she delivered it with passion from the core of her heart.  I think it's the most real I ever saw her speak.  I say, "Well Done!"  She's the Premier of our Province for crying out loud!!  Not many have the guts to take that on.

Oh and also, I sat at the remarkable women's table for sure!  (I'm sure every table was the same).  I was truly surrounded by visionaries serving the world through politics, business, and helping others.

Today's lunch had no awards, no keynote speaker, no fancy meal or networking event.  But it was just as powerful.  If you can imagine three women who all have the same passion about coaching others, building leaders, and the impact this has on society and in organizations at the same lunch table, with only two hours to 'fit it all in'.... then you have my lunch experience today.  These two women have families, amazing careers in multinational companies, traveling experiences, knowledge that they not only hold but want to share (yahoo for me!), and still act with grace, compassion, and authenticity.  They are remarkable beings with a humorous side.  We talked and listened and laughed and didn't even notice the time fly by.  I can't wait for our next lunch!

How on earth did I find such incredible people to surround me?  If I was my own coach, I'd probably ask me, "Why do you think these people are surrounding you?"  And then I'd say, "I attracted them into my world because it's where I am and want to be."

Thank-you to my amazing friends, old and new, and to NLOWE for creating this space for miracles.

Namaste

I Was... Were You?

Bullied.  I was bullied when I was in Grade 8.  I had a big Halloween party planned with all my friends.  We had our costumes made and big plans for a fabulous night.  The event was going to be the best event of the year.  Then I wrote a note in class saying one of the girls was an a**.  I don't remember why I wrote this.  I was not the type to do so.  I was actually a pretty popular girl now that I look back.  And I was friends with everyone, popular, not popular, jocks, musicians.  But we all said things about each other and wrote notes in class.  That was probably the worst note I ever wrote.  But she found it.

She and the whole group confronted me that day.  Everyone was full of hatred.  The next day, one of the girls threw my Halloween costume in my face (her mom had made it).  The days and weeks that followed were almost impossible for me as a 13 year old girl.  One of my best friends planned a Halloween party and invited all the same people.  There was name calling.  Ignoring.  Threats to beat me up.  Nasty phone calls.  It was a difficult time... not only for me, but for my parents.

One day after school a group of the people bullying me were calling me names and throwing snowballs at my Dad's car.  My Dad stopped the car suddenly and got out and asked them what they thought they were doing.  Throwing snowballs was dangerous.  They responded with, "She called so-and-so an a**."  My Dad essentially told them to get over it and grow up.  They are hurting people and could cause a lot more damage.

My Dad got back into the car and told me to never write another negative thing like that on paper.  I was pretty proud of my Dad that day:)

I also had a friend at that time who didn't go to my school.  She invited all of her friends to my Halloween party and it was the best party I ever had!  My parents went the extra mile and we had KFC and awesome music and a light show.... pretty amazing party back in the 80s.

And then there was another girl, a friend, who made it possible for me to enter the classroom each day.  She didn't follow the crowd.  She did her own thing.  She even came to my party and not the other girl's.  I knew that when everyone in the class was ganging up on me, she would be there on my side... not saying anything, but not bullying me either.

And those three things got me through.  Being an excellent student and being involved in extracurricular activities also helped.

So what does a teenager do when their parents may not be aware or available?  What if they don't have a friend outside the bullying crowd?  What if there isn't at least one person in their class that stands by them?  What if they don't have an escape to their extracurricular activities?  What if social media causes all of the 'outside school' friends to follow the bullying?

Amanda Todd "had nobody."  She cried out because she "needed someone."  It doesn't matter what she did.  It matters that she was troubled enough to ask for help and then commit suicide.  It matters that our systems in society didn't catch this in time.  It matters that she's not the only one to cry out for help and not get it.

The people that participated in bullying me grew up to be wonderful, beautiful people.  I'm friends with them today.  As teenagers, we're just learning how to behave, how to monitor our thoughts, how to choose what actions are worthwhile to take, where to place our energy... who we are.  We need guidance.  We need help.  We will face intimidation.  We will face animosity.  We will make mistakes.  (I still do!!!)

Parents  need to be aware and support their kids.  But they also need to help educate them to understand bullying... that the bullier has his or her own problems.  And here is where the bigger systems need to step in.  Parents need to be educated too.  Parents need to understand bullying.  Parents need to be able to recognize the signs.  Parents need to be conscious themselves and help raise the consciousness of their children.

This blog post is a cry out to parents and teachers and adults.... educate yourself.  Join the Conscious Parenting Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Consciousparentingnow).  Google 'conscious parenting' and read about it.  Learn about how to become a more conscious person and become that.  Your elevated awareness will have a ripple effect.  Your children and the children around you will become more conscious.  We have to start somewhere and becoming a more aware, more educated person yourself is a good place to start.

Namaste

Smokin' Drivin' & Havin' a Chat

I was driving my daughter to daycare the other morning and stopped in a line of traffic.  I happened to look in my rear view mirror and the driver was talking on the cell phone.  Worse.... the driver was also smoking!  While driving!  Seriously.  Smoking while driving!  How can one multi-task so much?

Well, the answer is this.  She's a woman.  Not that men don't multi-task... not going there.  But I've spoken to so many women who manage being everything to everyone and still have great hair.  How on earth do they find the time to do their hair??

My last blog talked about discipline.  I'm still working on it.  And while I'm getting more disciplined, I'm getting more done... and my to-do list gets longer!  Because I'm more productive and disciplined, I guess I feel I can take on more.  So I took on two courses and decided to stop waiting around for that perfect job.... and started my own business.  It's in development but I already have a small contract.

So these days I'm a mom to an 18 year old, a mommy to a 15 month old, a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a friend, a chauffeur, a student, a business owner, a cleaner, a cook, a reader (I also joined a book club), a runner, a yogi, a writer...... it's exhausting.  I love every role I have.  I love my life.  But something's gotta give.  So cooking it is.  Oh yeah, and cleaning.

Welcome to my home.  It's messy, but my hair is clean.

Namaste

Discipline is Not a Dirty Word

As much as I create goals for myself and accomplish them, I struggle with being disciplined.  It's like I have a block.  So... in my quest for self-mastery, last month I decided I was going to focus on improving my discipline.  It's no longer a dirty word (if you know me professionally, you know how I do not like the word 'discipline' for managing performance:).

I chose to be more disciplined with my running.  And guess what?  I managed to increase my frequency and endurance from a weekly 10-12k to 2-3 runs per week and a 20k!  Success due to INTENT!  This weekend I'll run a 1/2 marathon.  My first.  Interestingly, though, that's not my goal... my goal is to run a 20k, very hilly race in October.  It's more difficult than the 21.1k half marathon I'll run this coming Sunday.  And so, my discipline must continue.  I can't let it go after Sunday's race, which is so typical of me.

Discipline.  I struggle with it.  I just ate chips for my morning snack!  So now that I got my running kinda sorta under control.... kinda.... sorta.... I want to become more disciplined with my meals.  I skipped breakfast for many years.  Yep... I'm the one that worked through lunch too... maybe grabbing a banana and eating it at my desk.... oh and coffee... lots of coffee.  And then while preparing supper, I ate everything in sight... that is if I managed to get home in time to prepare supper.  My daughter was at the dance studio all the time so I just worked in a coffee shop while she danced... and I drank more coffee.  Then we'd have late supper and probably get take out.  Amazingly, I studied Dietetics and KNOW how bad these habits are.

For the past two years, I've been working on preparing meals.  Yep.  Two years.  And I just ate chips at 11 a.m.!  Yes.... discipline.  That's how it goes, hey?  I once read that self-discipline is like training a muscle.  Train it and it becomes stronger.  Don't train it and it weakens.  I guess I started with a very, very weak meal preparation muscle (hard to believe this, but I'm actually a good cook).

I used to beat myself up that I wasn't self-disciplined.  As a child, teen, and young adult, I was lucky enough that things often came easily to me... I received good grades with minimal effort.  I was blessed with a fairly good metabolism so could indulge and not gain weight (not so now!).  I learned new things quickly.  I increased athletic ability fast.  I was labeled a 'natural' in my musical talent.  I was the youngest in my class to be selected for ballet exams.  I didn't have to work really hard to get what I wanted.  But not exercising my discipline meant it weakened.  My talents and abilities did not grow.  And the beating up began.  For years.  But that's over now.  Phew!  And so is not having to work hard to get what I want.

So I'm continuing to work on self-discipline with my running and meals.  And this month, I've also added another item to my 'self-mastery' list: reduce or eliminate negative conversations.  It's amazing how one can be called a 'positive person' yet have so many negative conversations.......

Namaste

Another Road

Ego:

I've been unemployed for 2 1/2 months in a so-called booming economy.  And it took a long time to get a job in Singapore.  And when I finally got a job, it was awful, really.  And when I got a job here in NL, I got laid off... and it wasn't doing what I wanted to do in the first place.  I've had a few interviews and I haven't secured a job.  I must not be employable.  I don't have anything to offer an organization.  I really wanted that job from the last interview..... what will I do?????  I can't get a job I want.  I can't even seem to get a job I don't want.  I need to make an income.  But my soul will wither if I don't enjoy my work.

Self:

I've had plenty of time to think about where I want to be in my career.  Funnily, all that time has made me realize I was heading in the wrong direction.  The last interview I had was for a job I really wanted.... and the interviewer told me I was a great match, but the person who got the job had education in a specialized area that I didn't have.  I do have the practical experience... and lots of education.... it shouldn't take too much to get up to speed.  I have a goal..... here I come!  Who knows where this will lead!

This is the conversation in my head these days.  It's more focused on the one from 'self'.... but I can't deny that the one from 'ego' creeps in at times.  It's true, though.  I'm unemployed and jobs that are a match for me where I live are scarce.  But in looking for work, I have narrowed down what I want to be when I grow up!  Funny how that is, hey?

My 18 year old started university this week.  And, it looks like I might be doing the same in the near future.  Again.  For the fourth time (already have two degrees and 3/4 of a third one).  I'm actually pretty pumped about figuring it all out.

So, here I am, beginning another career I guess.  But not really.  It's all related and my background is valuable for where I'm headed.... but it's still starting something new.  Without  my husband, it couldn't be.  Well, it could.  But it would take longer.  And it would be a much bigger struggle (I know because I've done that before too).  I'm so grateful for him... for a variety of reasons, of course.  But I digress...

My search for where to go to school and what program and what format and how long has begun.  I'll dabble in some part-time writing and consulting, but unless the right job opportunity 1) crosses my path and 2) becomes mine, then it's school for me... as long as that ego doesn't get in my way!

Wow... who would have thought............... life is pretty amazing.  And how easily the ego can strip away our dreams....

Namaste

The Bride, The Groom, and The Missing Cake

I'm married!!!!!  And our wedding happened via a series of cancellations and serendipitous events.  It could not have been more perfect.

It all started eight months ago when we were venue shopping.  We decided on a location that was old and different and magnificent... but it needed a huge amount of decorating.  We would manage our own bar.  We would get the family to help decorate.  We'd hire caterers and have live bands play on stage..... it was dreamy.  A couple of weeks later we learned construction would be taking place at that location at the time of the wedding!  Eeeep!

And there it all began.

We called a venue we thought would be nice.  Apparently, it's not so easy to book venues for weddings seven months before your wedding.  Who knew?  They had just had a cancellation on the date we wanted it.  Phew!  It turns out that venue was MUCH LESS work.  A couple of hours of family helping out and that was it.  Definitely less stress than our first choice.

Actually, it began earlier than the venue.... it began with the dress.  I took my daughter prom dress shopping in Halifax.  She and my best friend begged me to go into a bridal gown shop.... I finally agreed and did not like one dress in the entire shop.  But I humored them and tried on a few.  At about the fifth dress, I found it!  It was perfect.  And it was on sale!  Like... really, really on sale!  Woohoooooo!!!!!

As we planned the wedding bit by bit, things were falling into place but some things weren't as fast as others.  About three weeks before the wedding, we had no photographer.  So I searched online and found one that I liked.  I emailed him with the wrong date.  He said he was available.  HOWEVER, when we realized the date had been wrong, he said he WAS NOT available that date..... BUT, he just had a cancellation and could then be available!  I kid you not!  A week before the wedding, my cousin asks who's doing my photography.  My response.... "Some guy..... I think his name is Nate Gates."  Her response.... "WHAT?  NATE GATES?!  He is THE wedding photographer!  People plan their weddings around him!"  Who knew?!?!

So then there was the room.  I booked a large room... a suite... for the guys to get ready in and then we'd stay there that night.  They wouldn't let us reserve an early check-in until a couple of days before the wedding so we weren't even sure it would be available for the guys.  It turns out the early check-in was fine... AND we got an upgrade!  Big huge room with a Jacuzzi (which we were too tired to use), a view of the St. John's narrows, and free breakfast (which we missed due to getting up too late:)!

Oh... then there was the make-up.  My daughter and I were going to get our make-up done.  But I booked it too late, of course, and the salon was completely booked that day.  We then decided my daughter would do my make-up, and honestly, it's the best make-up job anyone could have done.  She was awesome!  And it was special to have her do my make-up on my wedding day.

It didn't end there.  The people who had a wedding at our venue the night before us left their vases of flowers, which were absolutely gorgeous.... and we used them!  We didn't have video planned and my brother got the ceremony on video.  My mom was late for her hair appointment and her hair dresser couldn't take her.  She got in with someone else because they just had a cancellation!  We forgot to arrange a receiving line, and at the last minute, at the end of the ceremony, the officiator asked if we wanted to do it then and there.  That went smoothly and perfectly.  It was supposed to rain.... but it didn't....well, it sprinkled a little but not much... and the overcast day was perfect photography weather.  Everything that could have been perceived at a dilemma was made better.

Of course, you can't have a wedding without a few mishaps.

When we arrived in our hotel room and we were about to crash.... I realized something.... I had no overnight bag.  No clothes.  No shoes.  No cleaning supplies.  No MAKE-UP REMOVER!  What is a bride to do???  Well... wash her face with soap (that was the worst part) and wear her new husband's clothes the next day, of course!  Because I had to wear Terry's flip flops...which were way too big but the clothes almost fit.... Terry had to wear a spare pair of shoes he had tucked away in his bag.  He hadn't worn them in a while.... and he found a head lamp we'd lost and had been looking for since last year!!!  Serious.

On our way home after our wedding bliss, we stopped into our venue to pick up a few supplies we'd left there the night before.  And this one takes the cake......

We packed our things into our car.  We had an amazing three layer cake.... of which two layers were returned to us.  A cake was missing!  Through the rigs and the reels, it was concluded that someone must have stolen the cake.  That was not all.  A big bag of candy was also missing!  We have yet to see any of it.

And the moral of all this is this...

We are happy.  No missing cake could ever change how happy we are.  We have made a beautiful step in our relationship and are grateful for wonderful friends and family with whom we celebrated.  And if someone had a sweet tooth big enough to take a cake and a bag of candy, they should be the one who eats it.  (We still have cake.... and we are going to eat it too!)

Namaste

Race for....

There is a 10-mile running race in St. John's, NL, called the Tely 10.  It started in 1922.  It's one of the oldest races in North America and has grown from around a dozen participants to nearly 3000 last year.  I've run the race three times and am training for my fourth.

Training.  Ha!  So I've dabbled in running since I was 18, never quite making it to an official 'runner'.  In my 20s, I could run fast.  Now, I'm very slow, but manage longer distances.... sometimes.  I haven't run over 10k in over two years.  Yesterday, I ran 11k.  It felt great, and I still have 5k left to go.  I started my 'training' a little over a week ago, running a mere 7.5k and wondering how on earth I was going to ramp it up to 16k in 4 weeks.

Well, I found the answer.

Yes, you have to get the miles in.  Yes, you have to be consistent.  Yes, you need to push yourself. You need to commit.  But underneath all of this is motivation.  Some people are motivated by getting more fit.  Some are motivated by competition - getting faster, winning the race, beating their spouse.  For me, these are short-term motivators.  I have a marathon on my vision board, but I need that underlying motivation.

Yesterday, as I ran, I passed a little girl who was walking with a lady that was likely her mom.  She was around 7 years old.  She wore a pretty floral baseball cap over her bald head.  When I passed, I glanced at her (which I rarely do when I'm running) and her eyes were sunken with dark circles... but a light shone from them because she was obviously happy to be outside in the sun walking with her mom and enjoying the simplicity and beauty of life.  She looked like a chemo patient.  And I thought about how lucky I am to have my health and the ability to run.  So many people around me have the dreaded C disease or other ailments.  I felt a surge of power and inspiration from this little girl who probably hardly noticed me pass.  And I somehow ran past the 60 minute mark... past the 10k mark.... making it home feeling good.

I'm not saying my heart didn't pound at times, my muscles didn't burn, and it wasn't hard.  It will be tough for me to run 16k in a couple of weeks.  But I have my motivation.  My health.  My ability.  My life.  My family.  That little girl.

Namaste