In one week, I had to postpone my retreat and cancel a yoga class due to low registration. My other yoga classes are not full yet. And I have received only ONE call in two months regarding a workplace workshop - and that has not been confirmed.
My typical approach is to work at it. Find solutions. Determine what is not working and fix it. And if it still does not work, find something else to do. Offer another program. Design a different workshop or retreat. In fact, I did design another retreat and decided not to go ahead with it. And I did design another workshop and decided to not offer it.
Because I feel lost.
Now, don't get me wrong, I filled my meditation and yoga courses in September and then filled another meditation course in October. The retreats have been filled in the past, with incredible feedback. I have had students in some of my classes cry tears of joy because it is the first time they've been able to release since a serious injury. Someone told me last week I do important work and to keep going. I received an email from a stranger the other day to tell me what I do adds value. I am grateful I can contribute. I am filled with joy when I see that what I do has a positive effect. I do receive gifts from students and they do tell me how wonderful their classes or courses are. My workplace programs have gone well in the past, and I have had repeat clients. People have told me the work they've done with me has changed how they work and impacted culture. Yes, things are working out.
I really do find and see the good and focus on it as much as I can.
Yet, I'm at a crossroads.
I really don't know what is next.
I fill my time with busy-ness to make me feel like I have a lot to do. I don't know what else to do. Ok, Ok... there are things I could be doing. But there is this unknown space enveloping me.
I'm lost.
Here's the thing. When I'm lost, I tend to grasp at solutions and strategies and new ideas. My mind is filled with ideas. The result is a busy-ness that has no direction. I get caught up in frivolous, meaningless tasks. Yes, some days are filled with classes and meetings and I feel productive and good about what I'm doing. But I have these days that are full... of nothingness... but busy-ness.
This time.... I have decided to embrace feeling lost rather than trying to fill the time.
Because maybe it's not lost. Maybe it's just an opportunity to use the space to create. Maybe if I allow free time, I will see the opportunities line up in front of me.
That's what I teach in classes sometimes.
Last week, I read something about being faced with difficulties and saying we are lost, when really we are just in the chaos or unknown that is normal, and it will pass and we will make it through.. so take it on. Dive in. Dive in to the unknown. Allow the unknown.
So, I'm diving into that feeling of lost. I'm embracing it. I'm not longer avoiding it. I took the time to commit to a Manifest Your Awesomeness Challenge by Jennifer Trask. It is helping me embrace this feeling. I took time to meditate. I got organized. I journaled. I ate my breakfast and my lunch... on time. And I listened to a few yoga podcasts.
Funny how we can feel so free when we just allow whatever is there to be there.
Feeling lost is like feeling out of control. Embracing it means making conscious choices that make you feel good versus grasping at things to do. Then you feel in control. Free. And eventually, you will feel back on track.
I'm lost and I'm embracing it. I don't really know what is next. The unknown, though, is part of the fun.
And how lucky am I that I have this opportunity... I have abundance of time (for now, anyway)... how many people can say that?
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