Yesterday we made decisions for our wedding. We have gone through the stages of courting and falling in love and living together and being faced with personal challenges and supporting each other and traveling overseas and having a baby together and buying a house together and making decisions together. It's been a fantastic time, frankly.
I didn't really think I'd be formally married in this lifetime. I've been in several relationships that were marriage material according to society's standards. There was a time I didn't really believe in marriage. My parents have been married for almost 45 years, so, no, I'm not blaming it on growing up with divorced parents. I simply felt once you signed those papers, it all went downhill. I didn't want to lose my independence. I wanted my individuality. I didn't want to lose full control of my life. All just fears.... not real unless I make them real.
So. I fell in real love. And now I believe in marriage as a way to demonstrate my commitment to this person. To make a solid intention to support this person in difficult times. To make every effort to work through challenges. To grow and help grow. To communicate. To enjoy what life brings our way. To be equal. To love.
I am still independent - probably interdependent is a better word though. I am still an individual - I feel more like myself than ever before. And I know I control every aspect of my life.
This is not to say I don't believe in divorce. People get married when they are unaware of what love is really about. They may be unconscious beings. They may not put in the work required to maintain a relationship. They may believe there are greener pastures elsewhere. They may not be able to handle a difficult situation. They may not love themselves enough. All kinds of reasons for divorce. None of which I believe are right or wrong... they are what they are for the people involved.
I do not see the world in rose colored glasses. I am well aware life is hard. I know I make mistakes and have to face the consequences. But I believe you create your happiness. You make choices about how you think about something. In happy times, that's pretty easy. In tough times... well, there's a reason they call them tough. I have the same number of tough times as everyone else. I try to de-dramatize. And being with Terry just makes it all easier - he provides strategic reminders to take a deep breath.
I feel that if you have true love inside yourself... and you have true love for others... and you respect your spouse... and you accept the things about him or her that are different from you... and you are both willing to work through the difficult times.... and you are good at laughing... and you respect yourself... then I think marriage can work. A tall order. But possible. And probable. And I'm going for it and have only intentions to be with Terry forever.
Terry and I love each other in the tough times. He loves me when I've had no sleep and my hair is looking kinda witch-like and my eyes are surrounded by dark circles and bags and I'm cranky enough to only grunt for necessary communication. He loves me when I rant. He loves me when I make mistakes. He loves me for me... even for the things he probably doesn't like. Not a bad deal, I say.
Now, I believe marriage is a tool to support one another's personal, spiritual, and emotional growth.... with a lot of perks.
Namaste (this time to Terry)
No comments:
Post a Comment