Lost for Words

Well, I restarted this blog writing in August and am just getting back to it. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to share that hadn't already been shared, discussed, read, created, etc. My writing ideas are just rehashed words from all the stuff that's already out there, it seems. But yesterday, I was thinking of posting about my 'Word of the Year' on my business social media pages, and I backed down. This is typical for me. I feel lost for the right words. And... halted by how to much to share.

This is an ongoing battle in my mind. One voice tells me to shut it all down, stop posting, who wants to read or see what my thoughts and opinions are anyway? The other voice tells me to go ahead, share, maybe it will have a positive impact on someone. And yet another voice warns me to share but be careful because if I overshare it might have negative consequences. And yet another voice (yes, I have many voices in my head!) tells me to connect in person and just forget social media. Share... in person.

So I get exhausted and do not post anything at all.

But I did commit to starting up this blogging practice again. So here I am four months later with another blog post :) 

A few weeks ago I started thinking about my 'word of the year'. I have done this for many years... before I knew others did it. I have been working on rewiring some of my patterns in my mind and actions, so I thought maybe I won't do that this year. However, I couldn't help journaling about and reflecting on it. The word I choose is a guide for me into the new year. And if it's not working, I trash it anyway. So after some reflection, the word 'Experiencing' kept coming to me. Although this word felt right, I kept resisting it. I tried other words, like 'thrive', 'commitment', 'discipline', 'completion', 'whole'.... none of these felt quite right, although they all had components of what did feel right. So I rested on 'experiencing' for a few weeks. And it seems to have stuck.

So my word of the present moment is 'experiencing'.

What does that even mean? I didn't really know for a while. At this time, it means to fully experience whatever is in front of me. This doesn't mean only the so-called 'good' stuff. It means all the things. Emotions. People. Situations. Successes. Challenges. And experience them with a curiosity (that was another word that came to mind when reflecting on this). Accepting (another word) what is... and having that experience of it... not allowing the opportunity of an experience to pass me by, whatever it may be. So, if I'm in a situation that is unpleasant, or I simply don't want to be in, that means to experience what that feels like. It may also include making a decision to change the situation, but not without being in it fully first.

It also means to experience life more fully... to take more actions aligned with the life I want to lead. What we focus on grows kind fo thing. I am really great at making excuses. And some of those excuses are truly valid... pain and fatigue are definitely valid reasons not to do something quite physical. However, to shift into feeling better, sometimes we have to move through the discomfort, and I have gotten good at staying in my comfort zone in some areas of my life. So, 'experiencing' means getting uncomfortable and taking actions to bring me closer to this 'dream' life.... at the same time realizing I am already in a dream life. I have created this life, and I can create it differently. One of those things is getting back to yoga as a way of living and an asana practice. But also... experiencing the barriers and excuses and feelings along the way.

So... it may not seem clear and my explanations sometimes confuse me too... but it feels right. And I think that is yet another 'experience' I want to focus on. Feeling, sensing, intuition... getting out of my head. I'm conditioned to be in my head... think, analyze, evaluate, asses, plan.... I'm really good at that stuff. And although it is quite useful, I'm way out of balance and am choosing to experience things differently. Practice being more somatic, creative, and intuitive. 

Interestingly, what I 'thought' I would write in this post, is not what I wrote. I went with my intuition.

Welcome to 2024! What is your guiding word?

The Power of Connection

It has been four years since my last blog post. Over those years, we've had a world pandemic, for which the precursor in my corner of the world was so much snow that we called it Snowmageddon and a state of emergency was declared. I've completed all of my courses and internship for a master's degree in Counselling Psychology. I schooled my youngest from home. We completed many renovations in our home. I had a full-time job for one and a half years. Two beautiful grandchildren were born. I lived with my daughter for a month and helped care for an infant and 18 month old. I travelled internationally, nationally, and provincially. And I reignited my business. I also had to manage ups and downs of my own health and well-being (depression and burn-out seem to follow me, and chronic pain seems to worsen - something I'm sure I'll talk about in this blog 😣), my oldest daughter was sick for a period of time, my youngest daughter was bullied and then diagnosed with ADHD, and my parents are aging and there are ups and downs with that. I've had friendships end and friendships revived. I've made new friends, and I realized some people I thought were friends are not. I haven't always done or said the right things. But I've always done my best to learn and grow. 

If you are Catholic, you may think this sounds like a confession! Lol!

It's not.

Through it all, I stopped blogging. I wasn't getting consistent readership of my blogs and thought it was a waste of time. 

I was wrong. I feel a lingering sense of disconnection. My underlying creativity has been replaced by logical and practical activities, which are also important... but, like many women at this age, I'm off kilter (out of balance).

Blogging was more than something I did for my business. In fact, I started blogging when I was sharing my travel stories (Snippets of Singapore)... and I had a blog when I returned to school (The 47 Year Old Student)... they had nothing to do with business. It was a way for me to express. Be creative. Share my thoughts and stories. Connect with people. Even when it was business related. So in this chapter of my life, I'm here again. Let's see where it takes us.

My graduate thesis is about the mental health of peri-menopausal women. I chose that topic because of my own lived experiences. I speak about menopause a lot in my day to day life and hope to contribute to normalizing the conversation. I'm post menopausal now, and I'm a bit obsessed with this chapter in my life. I read a lot about this time of a woman's life for my research but also for my own interest. I even started facilitating women's circles last Fall. It seems to impact many women in similar ways. It's an empowering time. We have a deep desire to have our voices heard. We want to break free from the bounds society and the patriarchy have placed on us. And we give many less f**ks about what people think. I personally also swear a lot more.

Last weekend, I was reading about being a wild woman. Among many good ideas, the book talked about the importance of connecting with strangers. Funnily, as I was reading this, I was relaxing in my car in THE most peaceful place on earth, surrounded by trees, listening to the birds chirp, and watching a large, beautiful river flow freely.... and a woman walked up to my car. I decided to put into practice what I was reading and had such a wonderful chat with this stranger. It was uplifting. She and I laughed and talked like we were friends. We connected.

Connection is incredibly important for our well-being. Society as a whole has lost the practice and skill, though. There are small rural places in my province of Newfoundland and Labrador that still have it. It's one of the reasons people love to visit here. But, I don't always have it. It's something I work on. I'm more on the quiet side... sometimes very private. Yet, when I do talk to strangers, something magical often happens. And I feel it in my core. It's why it's so important. Loneliness can have negative consequences on our well-being. We may become depressed. Lethargic. Anxious. And it can also impact us physiologically. Connection is an antidote to that.

The book I was reading also addressed the need to be creative and share our stories. I know this from experience and other learnings. However, I still oscillate in the practice. After some reflection, and an ah-ha moment.... I decided to return to blogging. Return to my writing. Return to sharing. Maybe one person will be uplifted or positively impacted in some way by something I share. Or maybe someone will feel a little more connected by reading. Or maybe after reading this post, you will go out and talk to a stranger and feel that power, that energy, that is cultivated by this practice. Or maybe you won't ever ready my blog again! Lol! Either way, I'm putting some of my story out to the world. Because it feels right. And there is a chance it will positively impact someone else.

So it's been four years since my last blog post. I hope it won't be four years for the next one. And I hope if you've read this, you will go out and smile at, perhaps even chat with, a stranger.

Tina 💜

Four Ways to Make Your Yoga Class Better for You

I recently started teaching a combined chair and gentle yoga class.  There are many abilities in the class, and it's the most difficult class I have taught, I believe.  I'm trying to satisfy everyone... trying to ensure everyone has a 'good' practice.  I have some students from previous gentle yoga classes who have returned because they like my style.  But this class is different.  So I'm trying to give them the experience they've had before.... yet it's a different class.

Every class will be different anyway.  Because there are different students.  Different moods.  Different energy in the room.  The teacher changes and evolves too.  After two classes, I've decided to stop trying to make the class the 'same' as before.

That said, there are ways to make your yoga class experience better if you feel it's not the experience you wanted.  I think these ideas are valuable for any yoga student in any class.

1. Drop expectations.  We enter into experiences thinking something will be a certain way.  When it is not the way we expected, we can feel disappointed.  Yet, it may have been a most wonderful experience if we did not have an expectation of it in the first place.  Allow the experience to be whatever it may be.
2. Pay attention to your breath.  Yeah, we say this in class over and over.  But if you find yourself judging the class or your self, come back to your breath.  Where do you feel it?  What rhythm does it have?  Does it speed up or slow down during certain poses?  Curiosity of breath will help you tune in to your own experience, rather than your mind being occupied with judgment.
3. Practice body awareness.  No matter what kind of class you are in, movement of your body will result in sensations.  Tune in and identify where in the body you can feel poses, what the sensations are, where your 'edge' is, how your body automatically moves, whether aligned posture is maintained throughout class, if/when you feel unpleasant sensations, etc.  Your practice is your own.  You do not and will not look like others in the class... so stop trying to look like them and find what your own body needs and wants.  That's where you will benefit from the practice most.  The teacher cannot know what you need.  As a student, your practice is to listen.
4. Notice reactions.  When you did not hear the teacher cue/say something, how do you react?  What do you do?  If the pose the teacher is teaching does not feel good, what is your response?  Did you know you do not have to do anything the teacher says?  Do what feels right for you.  Change or adapt if you need to.  If you do not know how to and the teacher is ok with questions, ask.  If it's a class in which distractions are limited or discouraged, simply sit or stand in a relaxing pose until the next teaching is right for you, and ask the teacher after class how you can adapt a pose that is not right for you.

If you are practicing all of these, you will be practicing yoga.  You will be benefiting.  It is when we fall out of these above practices and into judgment that the class then can become a 'bad class'.  Of course, you want a skilled yoga teacher, too.  But if a teacher is qualified, you can still have a beneficial class even if you do not like the teacher by following these four practices.

Namaste,

Tina

When the pancake burns

This winter past was crazy full.  I was barely keeping my head above water, although it was all good stuff, and I was happy to have it all in my life.  In my past, this was the norm.  I thrived from the busy-ness. 

Life has changed.

I still have a Type A attitude in me... but it does not work anymore. 

The craze lasted about five months, then my oldest daughter came home after a very difficult internship.  My emotions were certainly triggered during her time away and I was relieved she was home.  For the next few weeks, I tried to tend to her needs as we prepared for her upcoming wedding, after which she moved away again to finish her next degree, and I started to unwind.

I began a program for adrenal fatigue and burn-out (which has haunted me for years) and I stopped eating chips!  I 95% quit caffeine.  I went to bed between 8:30 and 10:00.  My energy slowly began to rise, I lost the pounds I packed on during the winter months, and I felt 'in the flow' again... nearing normal.  Pain is still there (and worsening), but higher energy made it possible to incorporate more physical exercise into my day.  I told my husband it is the least stressed I've felt in a long time.

My business is in a steady state - not growing due to me returning to school full-time in September do complete a Master's of Education in Counselling Psychology.  Yes, I'm pumped!  But I had several events scheduled for May that just landed in my lap.  I was grateful, to say the least.  Life seemed to be working its wonders since last Fall, and I truly felt like I was seeing success after success for the first time in years.  My 40s were a hot mess, as one of my students likes to say, and I was sooo done with that.

Then Monday happened.

My oldest had come for a weekend visit - well, it was really for a wedding dress fitting:)  I decided to make pancakes on Monday morning before she left for her long drive back to school.  My seven year old had to leave for school at 8:30, so breakfast was to take place at 7:30.... I had to be up by 6:45 to get ready. 

I slept in...

It was a rush, but everyone enjoyed the pancakes and many hugs were shared as my seven year old said good-bye to her sister as I walked her to school.  My phone ringer was turned off, but as I was going through the door, I noticed two missed calls from an unknown number.  I thought it was strange for calls that early in the morning, but I figured if they did not leave a voice mail, it was not important.  And I carried on.  When I returned, I poured a decaf coffee and sat to my computer.... it was going for 9:00.

An email.... from the person who had hired me to speak at her organization's conference breakfast.... that morning... at 8:30.

Yes.  I missed a speaking engagement!

Sweet lord.  I have never done this.  I have had to cancel things.  I have had to find substitutes for things.  I have had to decline things.  I have even missed meetings and called in advance to say I would not be there.  But I have never just not shown up for something like this.

I was all a fluster, but I could only imagine how this lady felt when I was not showing up and not answering my phone!   I wanted to fix this for her.

Well, she managed to figure it out on her end.  And I tried to help on my end with some offer... and I began the descent into self blame and shame.

This is where my mindfulness practice came in.  I felt the stress growing.  I could not fix it, and it was all my fault, and I messed it all up, and I felt like a failure, and someone had actually recommended me for this engagement, and I let them down too, and I lost the money, and my reputation will be ruined, and, and, and..... the self-criticism and negative thinking started to spiral.  And then I texted my soul sister.  And she laughed.  And I texted my husband.  And he said I'll be laughing at this in a few days. 

And I smiled.  Not because I messed up.  Not because it was not important.  But because it was done.  And I could not control it.  I still felt compassion for the event organizer, and I offered something to make up for it.  But feeling shitty about it was not fixing it.  So I smiled. 

Then I went to the kitchen and there was a pancake in the pan... which was still turned on.  And it was burnt.  And I laughed.

I'm thrilled that I can laugh at my imperfections again.  I'm a fucking normal human being.

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Learn more about the 5-week Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation here: Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation.  Classes begin July 11th!  Register at tina@pomroy.ca.

Love... Repeat

It's Love Day, and people who know me know that it's one of my favorite days of the year.

I often write on Valentine's Day.  I like to spread my love vibes around.  In our society we are often on the chase for something new, something better.  Yet, love is old.  It's done.  It's there all the time.  True love messages are repetitive.  So we skim over them without sinking into them.  We don't always walk the talk.  But, love is far from boring.  Love... meaningful love.... IS what brings joy and wow to life.  So, I'm repeating my past messages here.  I'm reminding myself that I do not need something new.  I do not even have to write a new blog.  I do not need to chase.  I can simply remind myself what really counts and re-share my past blogs <3

Last year I wrote about my solo love-in on Valentine's Day called Redefining Love Day.  It was about self love and acceptance versus external love and acceptance.

In 2016, I wrote about A Yogi Valentines.  It was about... yep.... self love.

And in 2012, I wrote Presence for Presents.  It was about celebrating love with presence.

I invite you to revisit and repeat the messages.  We can never have too much love.

"Love is the bridge between you and everything."  ~Rumi

Don't chase happiness to be happy

I used to write about happiness at work.  I felt it was possible to have 'happy' workplaces even though the general consensus at the time was that work was work and the intent was not to bring happiness so focus on the work rather than employees' happiness.

And then I stopped writing about happiness all together because everyone seemed to be talking about happiness and there seemed to be this big chase and competition for who could be the most happy.  And if you weren't happy, you were unsuccessful.  With all the talk of happiness, it seemed there was less and less happy.

This conflicted with how I felt.  So I became cautious of using the word happy.

Don't get me wrong.  I have always felt, and still do feel, that happiness is one of many emotions that feels good.  It is nice to be happy.  I like being happy.  But I'm learning not to chase it.

Instead, and what I really meant by happiness, was that we can find joy and curiosity in work, life, and many situations.  Even many of the tough ones do not have to bring complete dread.  But if they do, that is OK too.  Because if we don't allow dread when dread arises, we'll simply always have that dread within us.  Society tells us not to feel anything but happy.  So when we are not happy, we feel not acceptable by society.  Yet, happy will come and go and so will all other feelings.

Happiness... the kind I'm talking about.... that deep down joy and peace kind of happy... comes when we stop chasing anything and accept all that comes.  It is more about not desiring anything to be different.  With that will come the courage to sometimes be unacceptable by society as a whole.  It is also about cultivating joy in the situations that it is felt.

So stop the chase.  Accept and embrace whatever comes - yes, even the dreadful stuff.  Don't get stuck it in... let it pass through.  Because it will.  Have the courage to honor all emotions that arise and possibly be perceived by others as unacceptable in your emotions.  And THEN, you will have that deep down joy kind of happy.

To your 'happiness' :)

Losing Your Identity

Who are you?

That is a question many people who search for truth grapple with.  Most will answer with their name, a description of their job/career, role in a family, activities they excel at, etc.  But that's not really the answer, is it?

I spent a good portion of my life striving to be someone.  I took all the steps to become educated.  At an early age, I became a Mom.  I dedicated my years to being a great Mom and successfully fought the stereotype of a young, single mom.  My career grew and I became a leader in my organization.  I was healthy and fit. 

I identified with all of these things.  You have probably heard me say it before, I was a fiercely independent, career driven, healthy, single mom.  And I was successful at it.  I put my energy into it.  I was proud of my success.  I attached to it.  (Yes, I probably still attach to it:)

Then it was taken away.

When I say it was taken away, I simply mean, it changed.  I married.  I had another child.  I left my job and eventually had a complete career change, and struggled through it, even though I loved what  I did.  Chronic pain and burn-out lead to depression and lack of activity.

So I was no longer the person I thought I was.  I was now an unemployed, unhealthy, married mom of two.

I lost my identity.  I kind of crumbled, even though many of the changes were wonderful.  I had no idea who I was.  My role changed.  I had no idea where or how I fit in.  I was having an identity crisis.

I was also an entrepreneur.  And a yogi.  I began attaching again to those descriptors, which gave me a sense of belonging.  For a while, they fit, and I became proud of them.  But something was not working.  You see, I was still attaching to an idea.  I still AM attaching to an idea that I must BE something in order to have value.

My identity brings me value.  And we all need to feel valued.  My identity gives me a place to belong.  And we all need to feel like we belong.

So, I'm still grappling with who I am.  I have had glimpses of different levels of consciousness that bring tremendous joy and peace.  That is who I am, truly.  But I have manifested into me on this physical plane.  So who is me?  And why am I here?

I'm on this journey now.  I'm detaching (it is taking me a long time!) from my past identity... and releasing who that person was.  She had a purpose, and I'm learning gratitude for that.  I'm forming a new identity, and I'm working on being more flexible with it.  That Tina will also serve a purpose.  I'm uncertain what it is right now.  But, as opposed to feeling I had zero value when I was in a dark place of depression, I know that just by being here in this body with this spirit, I bring value.  Sometimes I just don't know what it is.  And that is OK.

We are all evolving all the time.  But when we attach to an identity, we can get stuck, and it can hinder our growth.  So, I think I'll look at this identity crisis as an identity evolution instead.  There is value in that.  Because now, more than ever, I feel alive.

If you have gone through an identity crisis, I'd love to hear from you.  You can email me at tina@pomroy.ca.  Sometimes sharing our story helps with the evolution <3

Letting Our Children Fly

Little did I know on that day she was born, when I was 23 years old, that she would be my greatest teacher.  She would hold me as much as I held her.

In my 20s, she taught me acceptance.  I was a single mom for 15 years.  I was young for that time for having a child.  I did not have any friends with children.  I was still in university.  I had to choose my child over the parties and the traveling and happy hours and the trendy clothes.  And I did so without hesitation.  I accepted my role as mother... as single mother... without trepidation.  It was not without its challenges, but it was pure joy.

Into my 30s, she taught me to lead.  I had a quietly strong girl growing into her teens, and I wanted to demonstrate to her that she was in control of her own life.  So I tried to be a leader for her - a successful woman who was happy and grounded.  But she already knew.  She made decisions for herself.  She was wise and chose her own path.  She was not a follower.  Ever.  She did not choose to dress like others.  She did not choose to do what others did.  She did not listen to only popular music.  She had her own sense of style and magnificence.  She went against the grain if it was right for her... but not just to go against the grain.  There were times it suited her to be with the crowd, and so she did.  She knew how to lead her own life.  And I watched.  And I learned.

In my 40s, she's taught me curiosity.  She's opened my eyes to the world as she shaped herself into a beautiful, kind, caring young woman.  She chooses what is best for the world.  She listens carefully and thoughtfully responds to situations with skill.  With heart.  She questions things before accepting them.  Our sometimes colorful Sunday dinner discussions are always filled with depth and learning.  She shares her knowledge and she shifts her perspectives.  And I've watched this curiosity give her meaning and joy in life and guide her through difficult decisions.  And I try to practice what I see in her.

Now, this grounded, brilliant, creative young woman has flown away.  She's been living in our basement apartment for a couple of years, but now she has really left the nest.  And I have shed a few tears.  Tears of joy because she taught me so much.  Tears of happiness because she is fulfilling one of her dreams.  Tears of love because there is no greater love I have experienced than the love I have for my daughters.  Tears of emptiness because there is a void in my life.  Tears of hope because I hope she will face her challenges with the grace she has shown me every day for over 24 years and continue to live with joy.

As parents, we all have to let them fly.  We do not own our children.  They are on loan.  We are privileged to have the opportunity to influence them for this time.  When I reflect, I realize I always let her fly.  I'm just watching her fly further this time.  And the nest will always be here.

And I realize, too, that it is also my time to fly.

How We Rise

Our lives are full of falls and rises.  As babies, it is how we walk and learn things and just keep on going without much thought.  Fall down, get up, try again.  There is an old Zen proverb that says, "Fall down seven, get up eight."  As we grow older, it is not so easy, though, hey?

The falls are sometimes crashes.  We may break.  And it takes some time to rebound.  We need to heal our bones before we can walk again... we need to heal our spirit before we can feel vibrant again.  And some never rise.

Look at any social media platform and it is filled with quotes about being strong and resilient and getting up when you fall.  When you are down, it is not so easy to do these things.  And, at the same time, it does not have to be so hard.

This past weekend was Easter and as I reminded my 6 year old about the story of Easter, she told me she does not think it is a story - she believes Jesus really did rise from the dead.  Of course, I told her that it is completely ok to believe whatever she feels she wants to believe.  Who am I to say if it is true or false?  And then she said that she heard the story at school and was told it was true.  My heart sank a little.  As much as I want her to believe whatever she wants to believe, I also cringe when I know she's being told what to believe... it's just more conditioning.  And this conditioning is one of the things that makes it so hard to rise later in life when we fall.

There are natural responses to difficulties in life.  We grieve.  We are sad.  We are depressed.  We are angry.  We are lonely.  We are anxious.  And we are told by society to get up... be strong... you can do it.  To me these messages can be well intentioned and even motivating... but they can also cause harm.  They tell us to not be sad or depressed or anxious.  They tell us to get out of the place we are... because it's not a good place.  But who is to say what is a good or bad place?  We have been conditioned to believe that these difficult places are bad.  Yet, they are part of life.  They are natural.  And we are all faced with some form of difficulty.

In my experience, forcing myself out of a so-called bad place to feel or look strong was a bandaid solution.  It may work in some instances when the fall caused a scratch.  But there are other times that we need to be in the sadness, the grief, the depression, the anger, the loneliness, or the anxiety.  Giving ourselves permission to be where we are so that we CAN move through it is liberating.  Rather than pushing ourselves to be somewhere different and then beating ourselves up because we seem to not be able to get there, we can accept where we are and do what we need to do.  When we deny the feelings we have, they don't go away.  When we make the effort and choose to move through something, transformation happens.

We rise through acceptance.  We rise by allowing ourselves to feel.  We rise by allowing it all to pass.  Forcing ourselves out of the 'bad place' just keeps us stuck in it.  We need to move through it in order to get through it.  And we can't move through it without acknowledging we're in it. The so-called negative or bad feelings or situations are not there to ignore.  However, nor are they there to stay in.

Our desire to be somewhere different rather than where we are can be strong enough to hold us where we are.  When we release the desire to be somewhere else or something else, it is easier to move away from the suffering.  It's not necessarily easy... but it's easier than forcing or ignoring or suppressing.

I read this a while back in a tiny little book called 'Now Zen':

"We would rather be ruined than changed,
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment
And let our illusions die."

I realized I had done that so many times in the past.  I sulked in dread because life had changed or gotten hard and I didn't want it to.   Not unlike the story of Jesus' death, in life, we are faced with crosses - challenges or choices to make, and when we accept them we can rise.  It is our choice and it is empowering to choose.  It does not have to be all dreadful.  In fact, it may not even be a dreadful situation (although, it may be), rather something we simply do not want, and we are causing our own suffering by denying it.  But we do need to go through it and accept it to rise... to find out what is waiting for us on the other side... which may simply be something different, or it may be spectacular.  Either way, it eases the suffering.

"You've seen my descent.  Now watch my rising."

~ Rumi

Re-defining Love Day

I am on a bit of a hiatus from teaching and blogging.  I am taking this time because I want to practice what I preach.  I am practicing my solo love-in.  There is no protest nor group gathering.  I do not have some profound message or revelation to share.  I'm simply trying to stabilize the love and peace within.  My messages are to myself.  My protests are my own to simply accept me and learn what I stand for. 

Given I'm on a love mission, I thought it was worthwhile to write today, on Valentine's day, and share my thoughts and meanderings.  It doesn't make them right or meaningful... I just felt like writing.

Unlike some others, Valentine's Day has, overall, been a good day in my life.  I received valentine cards as a kid.  I had a boyfriend as a teen (he didn't always give me presents though!).  As a 20-something single woman, I had a child to celebrate this day with, and I kinda made it a big deal for her.  Not with presents, rather, with presence.  In my 30s, I was also usually single, but I began to live in the love world.  I tried to nurture love in all parts of my life.  I knew this day was not about romance or couples or flowers or chocolates... and I got a little resentful of all the commercialism created on this day.  I was single, after all, and all I saw around me was advertising that to be happy you must have chocolate, diamonds, flowers, and a partner to give them to you.  I celebrated love but I really could not stand all the hype around Valentine's Day.  I did not want to subscribe to society's views on relationships or marriage or the idea that a woman had to have a partner in order to be happy.

Then I met my husband.  And he gave me flowers on our first Valentine's Day.  And, surprisingly, I loved them.

I began to shift my views yet again.

It was not the fact that I received flowers that I loved.  With the love I had for him came a softened heart.  I loved celebrating love.  Romantic love is just one of those types of love.  I liked that I was with a man who nourished love in a relationship.  Over the years, we have celebrated Valentine's Day with activities that demonstrate our love and acceptance of each other.  I am all about presence over presents.  But, we also celebrate our love all year long.  Valentine's Day is just like my wedding band... a reminder to notice and acknowledge love and joy and acceptance.

Now, in my 40s, I have a young child again.  And a husband.  And a grown child who lives in the love world even more than me... who recently got engaged!  And a brand new kitty.  How can I not love Love Day?!

I do enjoy Valentine's Day... enough that I skipped my painting class last night to make heart shaped cookies and decorate them with my 6-year old.  Enough that I am writing and sharing a blog today, after a 2 1/2 month lull.

Yes, love is important in this world.  But it goes way beyond having romance in your life.  It goes way beyond having children or pets to love.  After all, everyone does not have these things.  Love is for everyone and extends way past this world and into your Self.

The journey of self love is not an easy one.  It is radical.  It is uncomfortable.  It is unknown for most.  It is not about power.  Or accomplishment.  Or always being happy.  Or even having the life of your dreams.  And it is much more than self care.

Society has fooled us.  Making Valentine's Day about romance and gift giving is no different than making success about accomplishments, the number of trips you take, or what kind of car you drive.  It is no different than making someone worthy of love because of something they have done or been through.  Everyone is worthy of love.  As hard as it is to accept, even those who we believe are evil or bad are worthy of love.

Loving and accepting does not mean there are no consequences, of course.  Nor does it mean we do not stand up for what we believe in.  There is a dance between fighting for something and acceptance.  I am grateful for those who came before me and who are currently fighting for social justice and equality.  I am thankful for those who fought for my freedom.  But if we are to improve the world, we cannot continue the same way of fighting.  We have become angry and resentful and selfish people.  The world will not survive in this way.  The world definitely needs more love.

Us humans are arrogant and self-righteous.  We feel we need to conform to society's facade that we need to be something more in order to be loved.  We feel we need to be right in order to be good enough.  We feel we need to prove that we are somehow better than and have more than others in order to feel worthy.  Yet, we are more stressed and less happy... and we probably spend more money on Valentine's Day!

So, for me, now, Valentine's Day is more about Self Love and Peace in my world.  I baked the heart shaped cookies, I have flowers on my table from my husband because he wanted to bring some beauty into our home, and I am sending chocolates to my nieces and nephews.  These are all simply expressions of our love for each other.  We also played love songs last night and danced and we will share a family meal together this evening and I will spend time today in meditation and reflection... contemplating this blog.... and practicing loving-kindness.

I don't have the answers.  I have no profound words.  All I know is that there is nothing wrong with celebrating love.  We need more of it in the world.  If we all took the time to learn more about self love, maybe valentine's day would not be so commercialized and the chocolate would be more enjoyed.

May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you live with ease.
And may you find joy in whatever Valentine's Day brings.

My Prana Went Off

I'm exploring the five layers or sheaths known in yoga as Koshas and trying to apply them to my life. For the first couple of weeks, I centered mostly on what is known as the Annamaya Kosha, or the physical sheath... it's a lot about how we nourish our bodies with food and exercise.  But it cannot stand alone.

Our mental state, our energy, our insights, our contentment... it all plays a part.

For the third week, I focused more on the second kosha - Pranamaya.  This is our life force, the energy that holds all the physical form together and makes it work.  Without it, we would not exist physically.

Our physical self care is critical for our wellness.  We all know that eating healthy and moving our bodies is important for our health.  But it goes even deeper.  When I'm feeling low, I know that getting a shower helps raise my energy.  Washing my face helps.  And, I believe dressing up or wearing make-up is not necessarily wearing a mask.  It is self care if it helps raise you rather than hide you. It has an important role to play.  But like anything, if the focus is only on that, or if your identity relies on it, it is unbalanced.

Our Western medical system (and, frankly, our society) focuses on the physical.  But.... when this life force we call prana - our energy of existence - is out of whack, our physical self responds by going out of whack too.  So.... you just can't have one without the other.

Our prana is used as we move through life.  We need to replenish it.  Just like we eat to fuel ourselves.  We don't eat once... we eat regularly to replenish our bodies' needs.  Prana works the same way.

You can replenish your prana in many ways.... and you're probably doing some of this already:

• sunlight - some yogis believe the sun is the ultimate source of prana
• fresh whole foods
• pranayama - breathwork

So, I had a few good days of feeling energetic and well, and my body was not quite so stiff.  And then, I had a day of feeling tired and stiff.  My energy was low.  This day grew into a few days.  I try not to allow these days to spiral out of control now... rather, I notice and do what I think might help shift things.  I started realizing that maybe my prana is out of whack and this was affecting my energy.

The day before I felt like this, I had limited sunshine and I ate kinda not great.  I also did not practice yoga nor pranayama that day, and my meditation was short.

I've decided to start practicing pranayama daily.  Just add it into my yoga and/or meditation routine. Pranayama, or breath control, can help raise or simmer your energy.  I did a couple of Facebook Live demonstrations last week.  You can view them here:

Kapalabhati Pranayama (This video is about 15 minutes and explains a bit about energy in general)
Sitali Pranayama (This video is about 5 minutes)

I'm still on my wellness adventure.  This week I am going on a 3 1/2 day Enlightenment Intensive, where I will be silent and contemplate, meditate, commune with nature, and experience about 40 dyads.  A dyad is two people in turn practicing mindful listening or answering one question for the entire 3 1/2 days - my question is 'Who Am I?'

I will let you know how it goes.  In the meantime, I'll be practicing my pranayama!

Lentil Burgers Do Life

What kind of title is that?  Lentil Burgers Do Life.  Bear with me.

I have been on a bit of a personal wellness journey for the last.... seven years!  Lol!!  Sweet lord, it's been seven years since I left my job, traveled the world, had a baby, moved back home, got married, started a business, completed yoga teacher, coaching, and mindfulness training (and an HR professional designation), and struggled with my health much of that time.

Tired of 'struggling', I decided to be with whatever was present in a different way.

My husband will tell you it's a process :)

I just read back on a few blog posts and realized some things have changed quite a bit and some things have not.  Mostly, my mind has shifted and I have become much stronger mentally and emotionally.  My body is still pretty much falling apart.  Lol!  That said, I am grateful for what I CAN do and working on it all.

Anyway... I digress....

I decided to really commit to my wellness on a new level and share it with others.  Eeek!

In this decision I needed to be accountable.  But I did not want to join another group that just did not meet my 'holistic in nature' needs.  My needs are mental as much as they are physical. They are emotional and social.  They are spiritual.  I have never really been wholly satisfied with any group except yoga teacher training... which wasn't a 'support' group.  But it certainly served me well.

I decided to start my own group.  Take my destiny into my own hands.  Take control.  Even if nobody joined, I would post in that group about this adventure.  (You can join here: Tina's Journey Through the Koshas.  You can read more about what it's about in my last blog post: I have a Bathing Suit and I'm Going to Wear It.)

This group and my journey itself is humorous.  I find some things hilarious.  You may not.  Lol!  It is all me.  I'm not hiding anything or trying to be a certain way.  It's as authentic as you get.  I have had successes and challenges.  I've expressed them honestly.  The intention is not to give anything any more weight than the other... to proceed as is.... to accept what comes... to observe as it passes. That's not easy.  When my shoulder gave out after a yoga class, I was not happy. When I awoke exhausted one morning, I was frustrated that after all these years, I'm still experiencing fatigue. (*insert swear word*)  I share these things in my group.  And I share how I move through them.  It's not about perfection.  It's about real living.

And it lifts me.  I think it's because I allow it to be there... just like I talk about in my mindfulness & yoga classes.  What we resist persists.  I often resist my un-wellness.  I fight it.  I have fought it.  At times over the last several years, I have accepted it, and used it to fuel action.  But, I'm still learning.

So the group is about accepting where I am and still doing my best to be holistically healthy and well. As much as I need this for me, I do hope others are inspired to radically accept themselves too.

FINALLY I'm going to tell you about the lentil burgers!

The other day, I made lentil burgers as part of my commitment to cook more.  You can find the recipe here: Vegan Lentil Burgers.  This was a new recipe for me... supposed to take 25 minutes.

It took me 2 hours.

Thankfully, my six year old colored and played while I cooked, and messed up, and laughed and finally served lunch at 2:30 p.m.

I was pretty excited to make these burgers.  I had a bit of time.  I had started my day tired but took some actions to increase my energy so felt great.

I am a bit of a Julia Child rather than Martha Stewart in the kitchen.  Sometimes I really do love cooking.  I like the idea of cooking with reckless abandon.  But I have resisted cooking for YEARS. Ever since my oldest was a young child.  I resisted any type of domestication, actually.  I was a successful, educated, corporate woman and awesome single super mom.  I did not want to spend time in the kitchen.  I am woman, hear me roar!

Phew!  I have since shed many of those layers of identity :)  Maybe that's why I'm so exhausted - that's a lot of expectation.  Lol!  And I'm learning how to embrace cooking.... it has not happened quickly.

So... I get the recipe on my iPad and proceed to gather ingredients.  Naturally, I have music playing. For some reason, when I have Pinterest AND Spotify open on my iPad, one or both keep shutting down.  Grrrrr!  So I shut down the music.  And reopen Pinterest.  And proceed to gather the ingredients.

About 10 minutes has passed and I'm not even started.

I notice I have two bags and two bottles of curry.  So in my distraction, I decide to combine them.  Of course, I make a mess.  You know how curry is.

I return to the recipe.  I realize I have to blend some ingredients, but my blender never seems to work so well unless there is liquid.  My Nutri-bullet is better, but similar for recipes with this consistency. So I decide to haul out my food processor!  Yahoo!!  I have had this for only TWO YEARS!  And I have never used it.  My husband purchased it for me as a surprise because I kept saying how I absolutely NEEDED a food processor... two years later......

I get out all of the parts and realize I have no clue how to use it.

I go to You Tube.  Because You Tube has all the answers for everything.  This takes another 15 minutes or more since I have to find the RIGHT video... and I am missing parts and have to look for them.  In the end, I figure it all out.  Yipppeee!

Back to the recipe.... it calls for bread crumbs... I don't want to use bread crumbs so I decide to blend oats instead....

I have to get out yet another appliance.  I end up with oat flour... totally not the same consistency as bread crumbs.  But I use it anyway.

I carry on.... and when I get it all mixed up I'm struggling to get the mixture out of the food processor because the blade is in the way.  

I must have been at this for 3 minutes before I remembered the blade can be removed!

When the burgers were cooked, I used a pita and topped them with alfalfa sprouts, tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, and mustard sauce.  Voila!  The most delicious lentil burger.  It took only two hours.

I also substituted dates for raisins because I did not have enough raisins in the house.

My oldest said they taste like cookies.

Why is this about life?

Well, there are ups and downs, changes, unexpected challenges, solutions, and lessons.  And I had the choice to laugh through it or struggle through it.  In the end, I got the same result - sweet lentil burgers.

My journey has taught me to become aware of when I'm struggling... when I'm resisting... and ease up on it.  Perceived perfection is overrated.  The sweet life IS perfection.

I Have a Bathing Suit and I'm going to Wear It

This post is not a yoga philosophy lesson... but I want to share a little something first.

According to yoga tradition, we have five sheaths of more and more subtle energy bodies. They are called the koshas.  The five sheaths are:

Annamaya kosha - the physical body that is nourished with food; good health results when cared for

Pranamaya kosha - life force or life energy that has a physical form of air / breath; longevity results when cared for

Manomaya kosha - the mind / thought; understanding and control of this kosha eliminates fear

Vijnanamaya kosha - intellect / knowledge and five sensory organs; when there is awareness here, one frees herself of unhealthy thoughts and actions

Anandamaya kosha - bliss / truth; happiness and joy is experienced when cared for

I am not going to go into yoga philosophy.  I would like to be a little lighter for a while... in more ways than one.

I have decided to go on a kosha journey this summer and share it with you on Facebook: Tina's Journey Through the Koshas Summer 2017! Specifically, I'm focusing on my annamaya kosha - my physical body - but there will be mention of the others.  What the hell am I thinking?  I mean, really, why am I sharing this with you?  I've been failing in this area for about 4 years and 9 months... approximately.

In short.... my body is a mess.  I've tried a lot to un-mess it.  But... I fall down 7 times and get up 8.

I still don't know why I'm sharing it with you.  I'm a sucker for punishment???

Well, maybe I do.  I'm trying something different.  I've tried a lot of things to get back in shape.... I've done a lot of therapeutic things and I've joined groups and challenges.  None of these things have worked long-term to date (although I've had small successes and the people I've met along the way have been awesome).  So here I am.  Sharing all my woes and failures... and successes - sweet lord I hope I have some... with you.  It is probably not going to be pretty, but it will be real.

Part of this journey is to find truth... so this is not a time for covering up, right?  I may succeed.  And I may not.  I'm not making any promises.  But I promise to be honest about my experiences.

Let's begin.

OK... I'm going on a vacation in mid-August.  That gives me seven weeks to my goal.  A goal... I hadn't thought of that before writing.  I'm not sure I even want a goal.  I just want to feel good in my body... and my clothes.  OK.. that's my goal.  Because I will have a lot of photos on this vacation and I want to look at them in years to come and say, "I was pretty damn sexy when I was 47 years old! Not as sexy as 67, but not bad."

Goal - check.

I remember shopping for bikinis for Costa Rica a few years ago and I was like a fish out of water.  I didn't have a clue how to buy one.  I ended up buying six... sort of... I had all these tops and bottoms and some matched.... I ended up wearing only two... mostly under other clothing.  What is it with bikinis?  Hanging on a beach in a bikini is not my thing.  You know those photos that a bunch of people are standing on a beach in their bikinis with the gorgeous ocean behind them and soft sand surrounding their feet?  They all have their arms around each other and you can feel their carefree-ness and they are smiling and they look fabulous no matter what their body shape is and they are confident and sunkissed?  Yeah... that will probably never be me.... unless this little challenge I'm giving myself turns into some sort of lifelong passion.... which likely won't because I'm actually quite a private person... the idea of putting this particular journey out there is incredibly uncomfortable.... which is why it may be a huge success... or a huge flop!

Anyway, this time I need a full bathing suit - one that I don't have to pull up over my cleavage every three seconds.  Because.... I'm going swimming.  Low impact, full body, build your courage kind of activity.  I have never been OK wearing a bathing suit.  I do not take my kids swimming if I have to get in the pool.  This is such a huge deal for me that if all I do this whole summer is to be OK going swimming in a public pool with a bathing suit on, I have just overcome a lifelong fear and I'm ok with that.  Be prepared for crazy posts.  I think.  You may never actually see me in a bathing suit though. That would be a bit too much for seven weeks.

Bathing suit - check.

I'm ready to begin.  I'll be posting on Facebook: Tina's Journey Through the Koshas Summer 2017 to make it easier to follow me and hear your stories. I'm hoping to receive some motivation from you.... and maybe I'll inspire someone to start taking care of their koshas too.

Here goes......

And, now... BREATHE.....

Have you ever felt the weight of the world was on your shoulders but you just had to keep going for a little longer?  Just long enough to get this project finished.... or the event over.... or the kids finished school.... or... or... or.... And THEN you can relax.

Does it ever really end, though?  I mean, there is always something to be done.  At work.  With our kids.  In our lives.  In our businesses.  It doesn't end until it ends.

I have had a few months of 'busy'.  I try not to use that word and use the word 'full' instead.  It has a more positive perspective to me.  However, I have felt busy.  I am happy that I have a full business and life.  Yet, I have recently been saying... I'll slow down and be able to do *whatever* after May 28th - after my retreat was over.... then it became June 8th - after a big meeting I had planned... and then the date changed to the following week - after some other meetings and workshops.... and then it became after this weekend - after my daughter's birthday party... and now it's at the end of this week - when school is out.

But it isn't then.  I am not going to slow down to breathe at the end of something.  I am in business.  I am in life.  I am all in.

So I am breathing now.... I'm not waiting.

We put things off, don't we?  I know I do.  But taking moments to breathe, to slow down and smell the roses, so to speak, is essential.  Essential to our mental well-being.  Essential to our physical wellness.  Essential to our relationships.  Essential to our productivity.

This morning, as I walked my daughter to her school, almost late again (I've been getting later and later over the past couple of weeks), I did not rush her.  I told her to smell the grass.  To feel the warm air.  And then I told her that if she feels frustrated or sad throughout the day, she can remember that moment.  She was no later for school than if we were rushing and she was resisting - and we both felt better.

Don't wait to breathe.  Don't wait to take a moment with your child.  Don't wait to sit with your employee and ask what they need.  Don't wait to smell the summer air.  Breathe.  Now.  Yeah... Right now.  Pause.... then come back.

Remind yourself that THIS is your life.  Whatever is happening is part of it.  You can allow it or block it.  When you allow it, it flows.  When you block it or resist it, the pressure rises.  It is like a river.  The river flows over the rocks and plants and hills.  However, if a dam is built, the water will rise, and eventually, it will overflow if the dam is not removed.

Do not put up the dam... and if there is already one up, start tearing it down.  Allow each experience to be part of your life.  Breathe, take it in, absorb it, listen, allow it to flow... don't wait to breathe.... to take it in.... be part of what is in front of you.

This is not about escaping your life or your work.  This is about being fully present for it.

Entrepreneur Smentrepreneur - The joys of being an entrepreneur?

Why would anyone want to be an entrepreneur?  It can bring high financial risk.  It means giving up a part of your life to work more (not always, but many times)... and not get paid.  It puts your reputation on the line.  It forces you to put your whole self out there and risk rejection.  The highs and lows can be extreme.  There is typically no training, per se.  There can be a lot of loneliness.  It is highly responsible and difficult to implement accountability systems.  It is easy to spin around in circles, working all day and all night and not going anywhere.

It is easy to get lost.  It is not uncommon for entrepreneurs to experience depression and anxiety (See this article: The Psychological Price of Entrepreneurship).

But entrepreneurs usually have a difficult time turning away from this pull towards running their own business.  Sometimes it begins with wanting to be your own boss... or wanting to put your skills to use because in your job they are under valued... or from burnout from working too much for someone else... or because you have an amazing idea.... or because you believe if you are working at something you truly love, you will be happier.

But the truth is, entrepreneurs are called.

There is something deep down that pulls us toward wanting to help.  To serve.  To create.  To solve problems for others.

My husband does not have that calling.  My Mom does not have that calling.  My Dad did.  I do.  Call us crazy, but we need to satisfy this calling somehow or we feel like there is a piece of us missing. Those that do not have the calling don't seem to 'get it'.

Entrepreneurship can be viewed with a slanted perspective.  We have to put our best face forward, which feels like a big lie when we are not making money or we are experiencing mental health challenges.  The general public may see an entrepreneur as successful, courageous... even wealthy. Yet, many are not any of those things, and the "faking it 'til you make it" attitude makes it difficult to talk about the real challenges.

Entrepreneurs experience higher levels of stress than employees, according to Gallup-Healthways WellBeing Index.  And it seems from research I have been conducting, that although entrepreneurs typically demonstrate traits of motivation, passion, and creativity, they are also more likely to have strong emotional states, which can lead to mental wellness challenges.

This makes sense to me.  I see my own emotions rise and fall to extremes, I have experienced curled up on the couch depression, and I can be too passionate about things I'm passionate about.  I have seen the same in other entrepreneurs.  However, through my mindfulness-based emotional intelligence practice, I have learned how to manage the emotions that go along with owning a business.  I've learned how to use my emotions to fuel action with compassion.  I'm far from perfect, and my business is still in the beginning stages of growth, but through my practice, I've learned acceptance, surrender, and peace with where I am.  I make the choices I need to make while also building my business.

I had months of loneliness when I felt completely unsupported.  I reached out in many different directions - to other business groups, other entrepreneurs, counsellors, coaches, wellness practitioners - but nothing worked at the time.  I needed mind fitness.

Thankfully, I had the skills to do this for myself.  I teach mind fitness through yoga, meditation, mindfulness, and coaching.  Interestingly, I felt like a complete fraud during those years because I was not feeling very fit in the mind myself, so who was I to help others?  So I took a break from many of my programs and services.  I distanced myself from the business community.  And I took care of myself.

I healed.  Not everyone would be able to do this in the way I did.  I DID have support.  From my husband and oldest daughter.  They picked up a lot of slack during those years.  And I'm forever grateful for that.

Because I have gone through this process (along with other entrepreneurial experiences), I have a deeper understanding of what entrepreneurs go through on an emotional level.  Hence, I have designed a program called (Re)Create Your Vision for other entrepreneurs to feel supported, aligned, and to learn techniques that will help them manage their emotions and develop the mind fitness needed for entrepreneurship.

True, many entrepreneurs don't make it in business and have to return to a job - or start another business.  My business has warped and evolved over time, and I have shut down a past business. Maybe I will need to return to a job someday.  And I would if I had to in order to feed my children or pay the bills - or if it was the right opportunity at the time.  I've learned that what may seem like failure to some is actually a step towards greater success.  That said, I feel truly grateful to have the opportunity to be an entrepreneur right now.

Regardless of whether an entrepreneur will make it in the future or not, mind fitness is a requirement for a healthy entrepreneur and for the opportunity for success.  Businesses fail and shut down for all kinds of reasons.  When we have a solid foundation, we can handle the failures and challenges of business and move on from them in a healthy way.  When we do not have the mental and emotional fitness needed, failure can bring us down into a deep, dark hole.  Even when we do practice methods for perceiving failure in a more positive light, it can still shake us.

The good news is that there are tools available to help entrepreneurs find stability and mental wellness in order to accept the ups and downs and in betweens without them shaking us to the core. We CAN be healthy and run a business.  We CAN have a life outside work.

It takes practice.  It takes support.  It sometimes takes a shift in perception.  It takes a willingness to be open about the truth.

For more information about (Re)Create Your Vision or to register, connect with me at tina@pomroy.ca.

Life Throws Wrenches

Wow... Life has thrown a lot of wrenches at me lately. I am happy to say, I'm managing it all, though. I slipped last week... was late for events, forgot things, missed things, and had to compromise a bunch. And I managed it. I also managed to organize quite a successful Karma Yoga class. My heart is still full from the generous donations to the Single Parent Association of Newfoundland. Christmas really does bring out the beauty in people.

Oh, and I even baked Christmas cookies. Yes. Imagine! I have not been very 'domesticated' for quite a few years. As a single mom, I focused on career, raising my oldest daughter, and personal wellness. I cooked a bit... but baked cookies came from Nanny:) And our very small house (or apartments) meant very little need for much domestication. One year we did not have a Christmas tree. *Bliss* Oh... did I type that?

Ok... I digress... Christmas makes me nostalgic...

Back to the wrenches....

So I had a big intention to switch my website over to a new provider and redesign it... in November. My intention for December was to get caught up on some financial stuff I'm behind on. I have progressed a little bit on the website (it takes a while), but the financials are a bit messy. I know... this does not sound very yogi-like. Well.... it is. Yogi-like is not perfection. It is about becoming more aware of your true Self. And I have discovered a few things I don't necessarily like about myself.... like I tend to ignore things I fear... like my financials. However, now that I am aware of that, I work toward addressing things face on. I'm not perfect. I'm very imperfect, in fact. But I'm working on being more disciplined in this area.

What does this have to do with wrenches?

Well, I had these intentions to be productive in my business. Focused. So I can start 2017 fresh and clean... business-wise. However, all these things got in the way. The wrenches.

If you're following me on Facebook or Instagram, you probably know I'm renovating... and I bought a lemon for a house. When we moved into our new home in late August, we had dreams of doing a few renos and being all settled within a month. Lol! We are here for 3 1/2 months now... nothing is finished. In fact, with leaks and significant issues with plumbing and electrical, we are also into this a lot more financially than expected. One of our reasons for this move was to simplify our lives and our finances. That has not come to fruition yet. But we still believe it will. So the house and the renovations and the finances have all been pretty big wrenches.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted on my Living Your Yoga Group Facebook Page about Savasana - Corpse Pose - and asked how people felt about it and the idea of death. There were varying responses. I began contemplating death about 10 years ago or more. I remember I bought a book about death... but I did not read it. Our society fears death and we tend to not talk about it and sugar coat it with our children. So, I'm trying to instil a healthy attitude about death in my children... and myself.

Funnily, the concept of death arose in my Yoga Nidra course a few weeks ago. Then, within a week, I had two funerals/wakes to attend and condolences to send to a good friend. Three deaths just after I posted about death. I could write a whole blog... or maybe a book... about death (not to mention the idea of death that came with depression). But I will digress again and suffice it to say, for now, that these were more wrenches in my plans.

I follow a few inspirational leaders and coaches and intentions are huge in those groups. In yoga, intentions are huge. In mindfulness, intentions are huge. I hold sessions called (Re)Create Your Vision where we design our intentions. Intentions are powerful. And I fully believe in them. They work.

But here's the thing. Life throws wrenches. Plans rarely go as planned. Intentions are not goals. Intentions are a way of being. Goals are concrete, measurable, and action-oriented. We can actually stick to our intentions and not meet our goals. Wrenches will delay or change our goals, while intentions can be held even when the wrenches come our way.

We can be happy and fulfilled and content when we do not meet our goals. If we do not fulfill our intentions, we may not be happy and fulfilled and content. (This takes practice, of course!)

My GOALS were to redesign my website and get up to date with my financials. My INTENTION was to work ON my business while balancing life and working IN my business. Balance. My intention was balance. My intention was also progression. And, if I really think about it.... my intention since January 2016 (I even wrote a blog post about it) has been FREEDOM.

Freedom from depression. Freedom from grasping. Freedom from inertia. Freedom from overwhelm.
For me, freedom is non-attachment. Detachment from my goals. Detachment from rumination. Detachment from limiting beliefs and fears. Detachment from expectations.

This is how we can be happy and fulfilled and content even when we do not meet our goals. When we can detach from outcomes, it will not upset our contentment when our plans go off track.

In the last few months, as I did not meet my goals, I continued to manage my freedom. And my balance. I still have a website to redesign and financials to complete. However, I progressed in my business in other ways... AND... I'm not feeling stressed. I have moments of feeling stressed, but I manage them.

Stress is all around me. I have moments of growling. Lol! But, overall, I've managed it all. I'm not in the hole of depression and I'm not entangled in anxiety. I'm feeling pretty free.

As we move towards the end of 2016, I realize this has been a big year for me. I may not have met my business goals, but boy, did I ever progress in my freedom. And that, for me, is what life is really all about.

So, yes, life throws us wrenches. It always will. It does not mean your life is no longer wonderful.

Because it is life itself that is wonderful.

To learn more about (Re)Create Your Vision or any of my yoga, mindfulness, or meditation programs, connect with me at tina@pomroy.ca.

Embrace Lost

I'm lost.  Lost in business.  A little lost in life.  I don't really know what to do next.

In one week, I had to postpone my retreat and cancel a yoga class due to low registration.  My other yoga classes are not full yet.  And I have received only ONE call in two months regarding a workplace workshop - and that has not been confirmed.

My typical approach is to work at it. Find solutions.  Determine what is not working and fix it.  And if it still does not work, find something else to do.  Offer another program.  Design a different workshop or retreat.  In fact, I did design another retreat and decided not to go ahead with it.  And I did design another workshop and decided to not offer it.

Because I feel lost.

Now, don't get me wrong, I filled my meditation and yoga courses in September and then filled another meditation course in October.  The retreats have been filled in the past, with incredible feedback.  I have had students in some of my classes cry tears of joy because it is the first time they've been able to release since a serious injury.  Someone told me last week I do important work and to keep going.  I received an email from a stranger the other day to tell me what I do adds value. I am grateful I can contribute.  I am filled with joy when I see that what I do has a positive effect.  I do receive gifts from students and they do tell me how wonderful their classes or courses are.  My workplace programs have gone well in the past, and I have had repeat clients. People have told me the work they've done with me has changed how they work and impacted culture.  Yes, things are working out.

I really do find and see the good and focus on it as much as I can.

Yet, I'm at a crossroads.

I really don't know what is next.

I fill my time with busy-ness to make me feel like I have a lot to do.  I don't know what else to do. Ok, Ok... there are things I could be doing.  But there is this unknown space enveloping me.

I'm lost.

Here's the thing.  When I'm lost, I tend to grasp at solutions and strategies and new ideas.  My mind is filled with ideas.  The result is a busy-ness that has no direction.  I get caught up in frivolous, meaningless tasks.  Yes, some days are filled with classes and meetings and I feel productive and good about what I'm doing.  But I have these days that are full... of nothingness... but busy-ness.

This time.... I have decided to embrace feeling lost rather than trying to fill the time.

Because maybe it's not lost.  Maybe it's just an opportunity to use the space to create.  Maybe if I allow free time, I will see the opportunities line up in front of me.

That's what I teach in classes sometimes.

Last week, I read something about being faced with difficulties and saying we are lost, when really we are just in the chaos or unknown that is normal, and it will pass and we will make it through.. so take it on.  Dive in.  Dive in to the unknown.  Allow the unknown.

So, I'm diving into that feeling of lost.  I'm embracing it.  I'm not longer avoiding it.  I took the time to commit to a Manifest Your Awesomeness Challenge by Jennifer Trask.  It is helping me embrace this feeling.  I took time to meditate.  I got organized.  I journaled.  I ate my breakfast and my lunch... on time.  And I listened to a few yoga podcasts.

Funny how we can feel so free when we just allow whatever is there to be there.

Feeling lost is like feeling out of control.  Embracing it means making conscious choices that make you feel good versus grasping at things to do.  Then you feel in control.  Free.  And eventually, you will feel back on track.

I'm lost and I'm embracing it.  I don't really know what is next.  The unknown, though, is part of the fun.

And how lucky am I that I have this opportunity... I have abundance of time (for now, anyway)... how many people can say that?