Lost for Words

Well, I restarted this blog writing in August and am just getting back to it. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to share that hadn't already been shared, discussed, read, created, etc. My writing ideas are just rehashed words from all the stuff that's already out there, it seems. But yesterday, I was thinking of posting about my 'Word of the Year' on my business social media pages, and I backed down. This is typical for me. I feel lost for the right words. And... halted by how to much to share.

This is an ongoing battle in my mind. One voice tells me to shut it all down, stop posting, who wants to read or see what my thoughts and opinions are anyway? The other voice tells me to go ahead, share, maybe it will have a positive impact on someone. And yet another voice warns me to share but be careful because if I overshare it might have negative consequences. And yet another voice (yes, I have many voices in my head!) tells me to connect in person and just forget social media. Share... in person.

So I get exhausted and do not post anything at all.

But I did commit to starting up this blogging practice again. So here I am four months later with another blog post :) 

A few weeks ago I started thinking about my 'word of the year'. I have done this for many years... before I knew others did it. I have been working on rewiring some of my patterns in my mind and actions, so I thought maybe I won't do that this year. However, I couldn't help journaling about and reflecting on it. The word I choose is a guide for me into the new year. And if it's not working, I trash it anyway. So after some reflection, the word 'Experiencing' kept coming to me. Although this word felt right, I kept resisting it. I tried other words, like 'thrive', 'commitment', 'discipline', 'completion', 'whole'.... none of these felt quite right, although they all had components of what did feel right. So I rested on 'experiencing' for a few weeks. And it seems to have stuck.

So my word of the present moment is 'experiencing'.

What does that even mean? I didn't really know for a while. At this time, it means to fully experience whatever is in front of me. This doesn't mean only the so-called 'good' stuff. It means all the things. Emotions. People. Situations. Successes. Challenges. And experience them with a curiosity (that was another word that came to mind when reflecting on this). Accepting (another word) what is... and having that experience of it... not allowing the opportunity of an experience to pass me by, whatever it may be. So, if I'm in a situation that is unpleasant, or I simply don't want to be in, that means to experience what that feels like. It may also include making a decision to change the situation, but not without being in it fully first.

It also means to experience life more fully... to take more actions aligned with the life I want to lead. What we focus on grows kind fo thing. I am really great at making excuses. And some of those excuses are truly valid... pain and fatigue are definitely valid reasons not to do something quite physical. However, to shift into feeling better, sometimes we have to move through the discomfort, and I have gotten good at staying in my comfort zone in some areas of my life. So, 'experiencing' means getting uncomfortable and taking actions to bring me closer to this 'dream' life.... at the same time realizing I am already in a dream life. I have created this life, and I can create it differently. One of those things is getting back to yoga as a way of living and an asana practice. But also... experiencing the barriers and excuses and feelings along the way.

So... it may not seem clear and my explanations sometimes confuse me too... but it feels right. And I think that is yet another 'experience' I want to focus on. Feeling, sensing, intuition... getting out of my head. I'm conditioned to be in my head... think, analyze, evaluate, asses, plan.... I'm really good at that stuff. And although it is quite useful, I'm way out of balance and am choosing to experience things differently. Practice being more somatic, creative, and intuitive. 

Interestingly, what I 'thought' I would write in this post, is not what I wrote. I went with my intuition.

Welcome to 2024! What is your guiding word?

The Power of Connection

It has been four years since my last blog post. Over those years, we've had a world pandemic, for which the precursor in my corner of the world was so much snow that we called it Snowmageddon and a state of emergency was declared. I've completed all of my courses and internship for a master's degree in Counselling Psychology. I schooled my youngest from home. We completed many renovations in our home. I had a full-time job for one and a half years. Two beautiful grandchildren were born. I lived with my daughter for a month and helped care for an infant and 18 month old. I travelled internationally, nationally, and provincially. And I reignited my business. I also had to manage ups and downs of my own health and well-being (depression and burn-out seem to follow me, and chronic pain seems to worsen - something I'm sure I'll talk about in this blog 😣), my oldest daughter was sick for a period of time, my youngest daughter was bullied and then diagnosed with ADHD, and my parents are aging and there are ups and downs with that. I've had friendships end and friendships revived. I've made new friends, and I realized some people I thought were friends are not. I haven't always done or said the right things. But I've always done my best to learn and grow. 

If you are Catholic, you may think this sounds like a confession! Lol!

It's not.

Through it all, I stopped blogging. I wasn't getting consistent readership of my blogs and thought it was a waste of time. 

I was wrong. I feel a lingering sense of disconnection. My underlying creativity has been replaced by logical and practical activities, which are also important... but, like many women at this age, I'm off kilter (out of balance).

Blogging was more than something I did for my business. In fact, I started blogging when I was sharing my travel stories (Snippets of Singapore)... and I had a blog when I returned to school (The 47 Year Old Student)... they had nothing to do with business. It was a way for me to express. Be creative. Share my thoughts and stories. Connect with people. Even when it was business related. So in this chapter of my life, I'm here again. Let's see where it takes us.

My graduate thesis is about the mental health of peri-menopausal women. I chose that topic because of my own lived experiences. I speak about menopause a lot in my day to day life and hope to contribute to normalizing the conversation. I'm post menopausal now, and I'm a bit obsessed with this chapter in my life. I read a lot about this time of a woman's life for my research but also for my own interest. I even started facilitating women's circles last Fall. It seems to impact many women in similar ways. It's an empowering time. We have a deep desire to have our voices heard. We want to break free from the bounds society and the patriarchy have placed on us. And we give many less f**ks about what people think. I personally also swear a lot more.

Last weekend, I was reading about being a wild woman. Among many good ideas, the book talked about the importance of connecting with strangers. Funnily, as I was reading this, I was relaxing in my car in THE most peaceful place on earth, surrounded by trees, listening to the birds chirp, and watching a large, beautiful river flow freely.... and a woman walked up to my car. I decided to put into practice what I was reading and had such a wonderful chat with this stranger. It was uplifting. She and I laughed and talked like we were friends. We connected.

Connection is incredibly important for our well-being. Society as a whole has lost the practice and skill, though. There are small rural places in my province of Newfoundland and Labrador that still have it. It's one of the reasons people love to visit here. But, I don't always have it. It's something I work on. I'm more on the quiet side... sometimes very private. Yet, when I do talk to strangers, something magical often happens. And I feel it in my core. It's why it's so important. Loneliness can have negative consequences on our well-being. We may become depressed. Lethargic. Anxious. And it can also impact us physiologically. Connection is an antidote to that.

The book I was reading also addressed the need to be creative and share our stories. I know this from experience and other learnings. However, I still oscillate in the practice. After some reflection, and an ah-ha moment.... I decided to return to blogging. Return to my writing. Return to sharing. Maybe one person will be uplifted or positively impacted in some way by something I share. Or maybe someone will feel a little more connected by reading. Or maybe after reading this post, you will go out and talk to a stranger and feel that power, that energy, that is cultivated by this practice. Or maybe you won't ever ready my blog again! Lol! Either way, I'm putting some of my story out to the world. Because it feels right. And there is a chance it will positively impact someone else.

So it's been four years since my last blog post. I hope it won't be four years for the next one. And I hope if you've read this, you will go out and smile at, perhaps even chat with, a stranger.

Tina 💜

Four Ways to Make Your Yoga Class Better for You

I recently started teaching a combined chair and gentle yoga class.  There are many abilities in the class, and it's the most difficult class I have taught, I believe.  I'm trying to satisfy everyone... trying to ensure everyone has a 'good' practice.  I have some students from previous gentle yoga classes who have returned because they like my style.  But this class is different.  So I'm trying to give them the experience they've had before.... yet it's a different class.

Every class will be different anyway.  Because there are different students.  Different moods.  Different energy in the room.  The teacher changes and evolves too.  After two classes, I've decided to stop trying to make the class the 'same' as before.

That said, there are ways to make your yoga class experience better if you feel it's not the experience you wanted.  I think these ideas are valuable for any yoga student in any class.

1. Drop expectations.  We enter into experiences thinking something will be a certain way.  When it is not the way we expected, we can feel disappointed.  Yet, it may have been a most wonderful experience if we did not have an expectation of it in the first place.  Allow the experience to be whatever it may be.
2. Pay attention to your breath.  Yeah, we say this in class over and over.  But if you find yourself judging the class or your self, come back to your breath.  Where do you feel it?  What rhythm does it have?  Does it speed up or slow down during certain poses?  Curiosity of breath will help you tune in to your own experience, rather than your mind being occupied with judgment.
3. Practice body awareness.  No matter what kind of class you are in, movement of your body will result in sensations.  Tune in and identify where in the body you can feel poses, what the sensations are, where your 'edge' is, how your body automatically moves, whether aligned posture is maintained throughout class, if/when you feel unpleasant sensations, etc.  Your practice is your own.  You do not and will not look like others in the class... so stop trying to look like them and find what your own body needs and wants.  That's where you will benefit from the practice most.  The teacher cannot know what you need.  As a student, your practice is to listen.
4. Notice reactions.  When you did not hear the teacher cue/say something, how do you react?  What do you do?  If the pose the teacher is teaching does not feel good, what is your response?  Did you know you do not have to do anything the teacher says?  Do what feels right for you.  Change or adapt if you need to.  If you do not know how to and the teacher is ok with questions, ask.  If it's a class in which distractions are limited or discouraged, simply sit or stand in a relaxing pose until the next teaching is right for you, and ask the teacher after class how you can adapt a pose that is not right for you.

If you are practicing all of these, you will be practicing yoga.  You will be benefiting.  It is when we fall out of these above practices and into judgment that the class then can become a 'bad class'.  Of course, you want a skilled yoga teacher, too.  But if a teacher is qualified, you can still have a beneficial class even if you do not like the teacher by following these four practices.

Namaste,

Tina

When the pancake burns

This winter past was crazy full.  I was barely keeping my head above water, although it was all good stuff, and I was happy to have it all in my life.  In my past, this was the norm.  I thrived from the busy-ness. 

Life has changed.

I still have a Type A attitude in me... but it does not work anymore. 

The craze lasted about five months, then my oldest daughter came home after a very difficult internship.  My emotions were certainly triggered during her time away and I was relieved she was home.  For the next few weeks, I tried to tend to her needs as we prepared for her upcoming wedding, after which she moved away again to finish her next degree, and I started to unwind.

I began a program for adrenal fatigue and burn-out (which has haunted me for years) and I stopped eating chips!  I 95% quit caffeine.  I went to bed between 8:30 and 10:00.  My energy slowly began to rise, I lost the pounds I packed on during the winter months, and I felt 'in the flow' again... nearing normal.  Pain is still there (and worsening), but higher energy made it possible to incorporate more physical exercise into my day.  I told my husband it is the least stressed I've felt in a long time.

My business is in a steady state - not growing due to me returning to school full-time in September do complete a Master's of Education in Counselling Psychology.  Yes, I'm pumped!  But I had several events scheduled for May that just landed in my lap.  I was grateful, to say the least.  Life seemed to be working its wonders since last Fall, and I truly felt like I was seeing success after success for the first time in years.  My 40s were a hot mess, as one of my students likes to say, and I was sooo done with that.

Then Monday happened.

My oldest had come for a weekend visit - well, it was really for a wedding dress fitting:)  I decided to make pancakes on Monday morning before she left for her long drive back to school.  My seven year old had to leave for school at 8:30, so breakfast was to take place at 7:30.... I had to be up by 6:45 to get ready. 

I slept in...

It was a rush, but everyone enjoyed the pancakes and many hugs were shared as my seven year old said good-bye to her sister as I walked her to school.  My phone ringer was turned off, but as I was going through the door, I noticed two missed calls from an unknown number.  I thought it was strange for calls that early in the morning, but I figured if they did not leave a voice mail, it was not important.  And I carried on.  When I returned, I poured a decaf coffee and sat to my computer.... it was going for 9:00.

An email.... from the person who had hired me to speak at her organization's conference breakfast.... that morning... at 8:30.

Yes.  I missed a speaking engagement!

Sweet lord.  I have never done this.  I have had to cancel things.  I have had to find substitutes for things.  I have had to decline things.  I have even missed meetings and called in advance to say I would not be there.  But I have never just not shown up for something like this.

I was all a fluster, but I could only imagine how this lady felt when I was not showing up and not answering my phone!   I wanted to fix this for her.

Well, she managed to figure it out on her end.  And I tried to help on my end with some offer... and I began the descent into self blame and shame.

This is where my mindfulness practice came in.  I felt the stress growing.  I could not fix it, and it was all my fault, and I messed it all up, and I felt like a failure, and someone had actually recommended me for this engagement, and I let them down too, and I lost the money, and my reputation will be ruined, and, and, and..... the self-criticism and negative thinking started to spiral.  And then I texted my soul sister.  And she laughed.  And I texted my husband.  And he said I'll be laughing at this in a few days. 

And I smiled.  Not because I messed up.  Not because it was not important.  But because it was done.  And I could not control it.  I still felt compassion for the event organizer, and I offered something to make up for it.  But feeling shitty about it was not fixing it.  So I smiled. 

Then I went to the kitchen and there was a pancake in the pan... which was still turned on.  And it was burnt.  And I laughed.

I'm thrilled that I can laugh at my imperfections again.  I'm a fucking normal human being.

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Learn more about the 5-week Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation here: Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation.  Classes begin July 11th!  Register at tina@pomroy.ca.

Love... Repeat

It's Love Day, and people who know me know that it's one of my favorite days of the year.

I often write on Valentine's Day.  I like to spread my love vibes around.  In our society we are often on the chase for something new, something better.  Yet, love is old.  It's done.  It's there all the time.  True love messages are repetitive.  So we skim over them without sinking into them.  We don't always walk the talk.  But, love is far from boring.  Love... meaningful love.... IS what brings joy and wow to life.  So, I'm repeating my past messages here.  I'm reminding myself that I do not need something new.  I do not even have to write a new blog.  I do not need to chase.  I can simply remind myself what really counts and re-share my past blogs <3

Last year I wrote about my solo love-in on Valentine's Day called Redefining Love Day.  It was about self love and acceptance versus external love and acceptance.

In 2016, I wrote about A Yogi Valentines.  It was about... yep.... self love.

And in 2012, I wrote Presence for Presents.  It was about celebrating love with presence.

I invite you to revisit and repeat the messages.  We can never have too much love.

"Love is the bridge between you and everything."  ~Rumi

Don't chase happiness to be happy

I used to write about happiness at work.  I felt it was possible to have 'happy' workplaces even though the general consensus at the time was that work was work and the intent was not to bring happiness so focus on the work rather than employees' happiness.

And then I stopped writing about happiness all together because everyone seemed to be talking about happiness and there seemed to be this big chase and competition for who could be the most happy.  And if you weren't happy, you were unsuccessful.  With all the talk of happiness, it seemed there was less and less happy.

This conflicted with how I felt.  So I became cautious of using the word happy.

Don't get me wrong.  I have always felt, and still do feel, that happiness is one of many emotions that feels good.  It is nice to be happy.  I like being happy.  But I'm learning not to chase it.

Instead, and what I really meant by happiness, was that we can find joy and curiosity in work, life, and many situations.  Even many of the tough ones do not have to bring complete dread.  But if they do, that is OK too.  Because if we don't allow dread when dread arises, we'll simply always have that dread within us.  Society tells us not to feel anything but happy.  So when we are not happy, we feel not acceptable by society.  Yet, happy will come and go and so will all other feelings.

Happiness... the kind I'm talking about.... that deep down joy and peace kind of happy... comes when we stop chasing anything and accept all that comes.  It is more about not desiring anything to be different.  With that will come the courage to sometimes be unacceptable by society as a whole.  It is also about cultivating joy in the situations that it is felt.

So stop the chase.  Accept and embrace whatever comes - yes, even the dreadful stuff.  Don't get stuck it in... let it pass through.  Because it will.  Have the courage to honor all emotions that arise and possibly be perceived by others as unacceptable in your emotions.  And THEN, you will have that deep down joy kind of happy.

To your 'happiness' :)

Losing Your Identity

Who are you?

That is a question many people who search for truth grapple with.  Most will answer with their name, a description of their job/career, role in a family, activities they excel at, etc.  But that's not really the answer, is it?

I spent a good portion of my life striving to be someone.  I took all the steps to become educated.  At an early age, I became a Mom.  I dedicated my years to being a great Mom and successfully fought the stereotype of a young, single mom.  My career grew and I became a leader in my organization.  I was healthy and fit. 

I identified with all of these things.  You have probably heard me say it before, I was a fiercely independent, career driven, healthy, single mom.  And I was successful at it.  I put my energy into it.  I was proud of my success.  I attached to it.  (Yes, I probably still attach to it:)

Then it was taken away.

When I say it was taken away, I simply mean, it changed.  I married.  I had another child.  I left my job and eventually had a complete career change, and struggled through it, even though I loved what  I did.  Chronic pain and burn-out lead to depression and lack of activity.

So I was no longer the person I thought I was.  I was now an unemployed, unhealthy, married mom of two.

I lost my identity.  I kind of crumbled, even though many of the changes were wonderful.  I had no idea who I was.  My role changed.  I had no idea where or how I fit in.  I was having an identity crisis.

I was also an entrepreneur.  And a yogi.  I began attaching again to those descriptors, which gave me a sense of belonging.  For a while, they fit, and I became proud of them.  But something was not working.  You see, I was still attaching to an idea.  I still AM attaching to an idea that I must BE something in order to have value.

My identity brings me value.  And we all need to feel valued.  My identity gives me a place to belong.  And we all need to feel like we belong.

So, I'm still grappling with who I am.  I have had glimpses of different levels of consciousness that bring tremendous joy and peace.  That is who I am, truly.  But I have manifested into me on this physical plane.  So who is me?  And why am I here?

I'm on this journey now.  I'm detaching (it is taking me a long time!) from my past identity... and releasing who that person was.  She had a purpose, and I'm learning gratitude for that.  I'm forming a new identity, and I'm working on being more flexible with it.  That Tina will also serve a purpose.  I'm uncertain what it is right now.  But, as opposed to feeling I had zero value when I was in a dark place of depression, I know that just by being here in this body with this spirit, I bring value.  Sometimes I just don't know what it is.  And that is OK.

We are all evolving all the time.  But when we attach to an identity, we can get stuck, and it can hinder our growth.  So, I think I'll look at this identity crisis as an identity evolution instead.  There is value in that.  Because now, more than ever, I feel alive.

If you have gone through an identity crisis, I'd love to hear from you.  You can email me at tina@pomroy.ca.  Sometimes sharing our story helps with the evolution <3