Why Bother to Celebrate the Holidays?

I don't have cable TV to watch news broadcasts. I don't read the newspapers.  I avoid getting involved in social media complaining and bullying. I choose my news by searching online. If I can do something about a situation or I am curious, I may read more, listen more, do more. If I cannot, I will continue to be informed by choosing to read what I wish without being bombarded with negative news. However, I still see it and feel it.

We are surrounded by so many horrible world and local events.  People are starving.  People are dying.  People are fleeing from their countries in fear.  War is erupting.  Hatred, racism, and bullying pepper social media.  Suicide rates are on the rise.  Layoffs are rising.  Taxes are increasing.

It seems a bit selfish and naive to celebrate Christmas - or whatever other holiday you celebrate this time of year.  Even Pope Francis said celebrating Christmas when the world is full of hatred is a 'charade'.

So I had to think about why I celebrate... if I will... and if I do...  how?

I am celebrating Christmas.  Actually, I was raised Christian and now I believe in many things so I don't really consider myself 'Christian'.  I believe in love and peace, though.  And for me, that's the key for celebrating Christmas.

I believe that love and peace begins with yourself and spreads to those close to you... who then spread it to those close to them... and on and on with the ripple effect.  Social media has been wonderful at this.  I see that someone has done something wonderful, and I get inspired to either join them or do something else kind.  

So I believe that celebrating the holidays is more important now... in these times of turmoil.  I think it is also important to bring love and peace to the celebrations.  I will give presents.  I will have some holiday 'spirits' at parties.  I will smile.  I will share.  I will hug.  I will laugh.  I will find compassion. 

I will not complain because the photo machine is broken and there is a long line-up of people waiting to print photos.  I will not frown at the cashier in the supermarket who is working overtime in order for us to have fancy food on our tables for the celebrating.  I will not bi**h at the drivers who are butting in front of me trying to get to their destination faster.  

I will show my children how to love and live in peace.  I will demonstrate to them that kindness and compassion can change a person's day... life... including your own.

We will sing and dance because it is uplifting and maybe it will bring joy to others.  We will bring that uplifting spirit to others through our energy and smiles and conversation.

We will have a delicious Christmas dinner with a dozen or so people around the table because we are investing in being with and sharing with our family.  We will also spend a day cooking and serving food for those in need.

We will open presents on Christmas morning because it is a tradition, it brings joy, and it demonstrates giving.  We will also give presents to others in the form of purchased items, homemade items, and time.... some of those others we do not know but know they are in need. Some of those we know and know they are in need.  Some of those we know and know they are not in need but we are simply spreading joy and giving our presence.

A letter to Santa was sent.  It included asking for items for others in addition to a request for something special.

We will clean the house and put up a tree and decorate.  We will have a few special items in the pantry for treats.  We will also meditate and breathe and invest in our wellness during the 'hectic' days.  We will not make the holidays about having the perfect house, rather create a celebratory and loving environment.

I realize not everyone shares in my enthusiasm for celebrating the holidays.  I realize the holidays bring sadness and strife to many.  I will help those people when and if I can, and I will be mindful that we all have different experiences and not to assume anything.  I feel it is my responsibility to live the fullest life I can, and if I have been blessed with a good life, isn't it right to celebrate that?  Both by being the love I want to see in the world and by sharing it with others?

I'm celebrating the holidays because not celebrating is stopping the spread of love and peace.  And our world needs love and compassion now more than ever.

Merry Christmas!  Here's to spreading Christmas spirit <3 

Life's Worth

My mother-in-law passed away last week.  Everyone experiences this kind of loss at some point.  It is never easy.  But I have to believe the difficulties life brings are worth something.

After a four year struggle and many near death experiences, she lay in her hospital bed for over three months.  We noticed her decline on every visit.  She was in pain.  She eventually did not get out of bed.  She eventually accepted her fate.  She did not go home again. She slowly lost interest in all things that brought her happiness.

But...

Her eyes smiled when her 4-year old granddaughter jumped into the hospital bed with her - the last time being two days before she died.  As time passed, her feeble arms getting weaker, she continued to share food - dessert usually - with the little girl that brought her joy.  On every good-bye with her children and their spouses, she said, "Loves ya!"  The nurses were always "some nice."  She was present even when she was tired, until she fell asleep.  She befriended her roommates when she could.  She exuded love even as her body deteriorated and she could no longer take part in this thing we call life.  She had birthday cards for her loved ones until the very end.  She gave.  She loved.

Some say her life wasn't worth living in the end.  She was in a great deal of pain.  I want to believe it was worth living.  I want to believe her final days were worth something.  I want to believe she felt loved and enjoyed something out of the final time she spent here on earth... and it meant something.

I wonder if the worthiness had nothing to do with her own life and everything to do with everyone else's.  She touched people's hearts.  She was adored.  Because she was a decent human being. She put others before herself.  Always.  She is an example to the human race.  She accepted life as it came.  She never judged others.  She gave whenever she could.  She gave extra attention to those who needed it, to those who were down on their luck, to those who others may not have given the same attention.  She was happy.  She was content.  She continued to love even when she was in a great deal of pain.  She continued to bring a smile to others' faces.  She continued to bring her family and friends joy.

She had many visitors in that hospital.  My daughter pranced the halls and played tea party with the ladies who were deteriorating with dementia.  Her visitors were often jovial.  Her daughters helped the staff.  Maybe the worth was there.

Peace quickly came upon her when it was time.  Her children surrounded her.  You could not express the love in that room during those minutes.  Everyone was one.  Any differences of opinion or belief did not matter.  There was a tiny moment, a glimpse, of pure love.  Nothing mattered. Nothing at all except peace.

Impact.  That is what she did.  She made an impact.  She did not try to make an impact.  She did not purposely set out to find her purpose and fulfill it.  She just did.  She was authentic and simply took on whatever crossed her path.  She never announced her successes or difficulties.  She did not desire for things to be different or to stay the same.  I am sure at times she had desires, but they did not stand in the way of her contentment.  She loved her community, her friends, her family, and her life. And she influenced how others live their lives.  Her legacy will live on. People will remember her kindness and it will influence their actions.

Even in the end, when pain overcame her, her life was worth something.  She was in pain, but her suffering was limited.  Because she accepted life as it was presented.

And that is the most worth a life could have.

A Tribute to Those that Leave this World Too Early

I remember thinking 45 was pretty old.  I was probably in primary school when my friend's mom turned 40, and I thought she was old.  I don't think so now.  Yesterday was my 45th birthday.  I don't feel much older than in my 20s... except for my aching body.  But my mind - other than foggy brain - feels young.  Oh, OK, I do feel a bit older than 25.  But 45 is still not old.

I have the spirit of a 20 year old.  I dream.  I laugh.  I am as silly as the next person.  I never believe I am too old for anything.  I love learning and continue to learn and change and grow.  I enjoy trying new things - for my 45th birthday, I started taking aerial yoga classes.  And I still plan to travel the world more than I already have.  I have a lot of dreams and plans for the future.

But imagine if you couldn't fulfill those dreams and plans. Imagine if all of a sudden, one day, they were gone.... taken away.  And it was impossible to fulfill any of them anymore.

I know too many people who have lost loved ones too early.

My uncle's partner, Tony, passed away in his sleep a day before my birthday.  He was 51 years old. He had plans and dreams.  He was well.  No signs of sickness of any kind.  His life is ended.  My uncle's plans and dreams of a life with his partner are now over.

So we remember the good times.  And the wonderful person Tony was.  It helps us get through.  He was always smiling - he even smiled with his eyes.  He was a successful entrepreneur.  He was a giving and respectful person.  He helped out my grandmother when she was alive - he cooked for her card friends.  He was an amazing cook.  He had a lot of friends - people liked him.  He loved my uncle.  One of the last conversations I had with him was one of their partnership and commitment. He was a wonderful person with a big heart and a big smile.

Yesterday, I honored Tony by spending my birthday living life as much as I could.  I tried not to take anything for granted.  I dedicated my actions and activities to Tony and all those that lost their lives too early.  Sounds a bit weird now that I type it out... but it was my intention.  And here's how I did it.

• I began my work day teaching a yoga class.  This is a new shift in my career and I love it.  When class was over, I took a moment to reflect on how lucky I am to have this opportunity to fulfill a dream in life.  I am a novice teacher, I have sooo much more to learn... but I can share what I know now.  And I currently still have the opportunity to continue learning.
• I returned home to my hugging 21 year old daughter and her boyfriend.  I revelled in it.  I have an amazing relationship with my daughter.  I know not all parents can say that.  I know how lucky I am to have such a beautiful connection with this incredible human being.  She is my teacher in life.
• I practiced yoga and meditated on the beach with my dear friend - who also brought me lunch for my birthday.  My meditation was one of gratitude for the pure amazingness of just being able to do that.  And for having a long lasting friendship with someone who never judges me... she totally accepts me.  Truly blessed.
• I took a business call - on the beach - and was open and honest about my services and what I could do to help... and I secured the contract.  Thank-you.  Seriously, business is not easy.  I have struggled with my business, but I have learned to be patient and grateful for whatever is happening because there are a lot of lessons the first few years... and you have to learn them in order to be successful in the future.  There's that word again... future.  I still have one.  Thank-you.
• I started my aerial yoga classes and I smiled at everyone in class as I learned how to fly.  I sometimes feel quiet and don't really want to be around people, especially when I attend classes alone and others seem to be in groups.  But I was committed to dedicating the day to Tony, so I smiled - like he would I imagine.  And I chatted.  And I thoroughly enjoyed every second of the class.  And, by the way, thank-you for the opportunity.  I drove home smiling.
• I came home to supper with my beautiful family - my husband, daughters, parents, daughter's boyfriend.  We sang happy birthday and blew out candles on two cakes - well, a lemon pie and a chocolate cake because I love both and my husband is like that.  I could not be more grateful for having my Dad present.  He's had a difficult year with his health, and we are all so lucky he's with us.  And my husband, who worked all day, arranged, cooked, and cleaned... told me to sit any time I offered to help.  I lucked out.  A truly beautiful spirit of a man.  And my daughter, who decorated and simply makes sure I'm always taken care of.
• I put my 4-year old to bed and fell asleep with her... actually, I think it was before her.  It really doesn't get much better.

As I turned 45, I contemplated on how quickly things can change.  I spent the day doing things I love with people I love.  Even things I did not love (my email went wonky and I spent over an hour trying to fix it), I did with gratitude... sort of... I did my best anyway... I did not freak out at least :)  Isn't that the way we can live every day?

I have learned that having an amazing life has nothing to do with doing BIG things.  It has everything to do with loving big with your heart wherever you are doing whatever you are doing.

Maybe I do feel older than 25.  When I was 25, I may not have seen how wonderful a day my yesterday was because I may have wished I was traveling the world or jumping out of a plane or eating a strange food in a strange land with strangers.  I still think all of those things are amazing. But so is being here now doing what I do with those I love.

Some people are taken from this world much too early.  Tony is one of them.  I believe the way to honor them and help live out their lives is to fully live ours.

Peace and love

The Magic of Music and Mindfulness

It had been a few years since I last saw the symphony.  I have always love going to the symphony.. in fact, I love almost any kind of arts and culture and theatre.  But music and dance are... my thing.  So, when I go to the symphony, I realllly love it.

My husband and I went to the Newfoundland Symphony Orchestra a couple of nights ago and something magical happened.

I have been purposely practicing mindfulness and meditation now for several years.  As the years go by, I get even more committed.  Changes are definitely occurring.  They are often quite subtle, and one might not even notice unless they compare how different a reaction might have been in a similar situation five years ago.  But every now and again, you feel the difference.  You know you have created new pathways in your brain.  Your old conditioning is falling away.  

The evening began with a reception.  I was underdressed for the reception - most of the ladies wore dresses and gowns, while I wore pants, blouse, and shawl - at least I had heels and bright red lipstick on:)  I was there for the music, though, and it really didn't bother me.  Once we were seated in the auditorium, the orchestra played 'Oh Canada'. The audience stood in pride... and that was the beginning.  I got goosebumps. 

Whenever I hear 'Oh Canada', I feel a sense of community.  I am reminded of our great country and how privileged I am to live here.  So to get goosebumps was not unexpected.  But what happened next was.

Cory Tetford joined the NSO that night.  His first set was mostly gospel music, and his first song was 'Amazing Grace'.  It touched my soul.  Goosebumps times 10.  I closed my eyes momentarily so I could absorb the music without visual distractions.  Ever do that?  It can be truly amazing and full of grace.

So wow.  Big applause.  Feeling good.... and the next few songs made me smile.  I smiled out of appreciation and wow.  I watched a guy be completely in tune with his cello and a drummer become part of the rhythm.  I could hear each instrument as it chimed in, and each one struck me like I'd never heard it before and it was the most outstanding sound I'd ever heard.

Then Shelly Neville came on stage and joined Cory and the NSO.  She's a local celebrity.  We all know how beautiful her voice is.  That's when I realized I am in the middle of magic.  My eyes welled up and the tears began to flow.  I was in a state of awe.  The fullness of the orchestra, the harmony of the voices, and the energy... the magic... enveloped me.  And I didn't care what anyone thought.  I was just in that moment.  And it was perfect.

The remainder of the evening saw more amazing talent with Barney Bentall and Mark Critch (comedian).  A new (beautiful, heart-warming, touching) song written by Cory and Alan Doyle was performed for the first time in public.  I cried a few more times.  The lyrics were brilliant.  The music was phenomenal.  The talent was outstanding.

But most of all, I took it all in.  I allowed myself to close my eyes and feel the music... the energy... the vibrations.  I experienced it.  I opened to it... and not only did it flow in, but it burst out too.  

Music really is good for the soul.  When you are mindful, you take it all in and it fills you up.  My husband and I both had a similar experience that night.  We carried on our night talking about how important it is to allow those moments in.  Life is short and full... and taking the time and allowing yourself to really fill up your soul with music is no different than filling your car with gas.  

It was magic.  We were both incredibly mindful of that.  Maybe we will purchase seasonal tickets next year.

Becoming a Mom... Again... Redefined

My girls

This post is long overdue.  When I returned to Canada in 2011 and shifted my blogging from Snippets From Singapore to Going Om, I wasn't quite sure what I would write about.  Several people were following me and enjoying my blogging and were excited to see what was next.  My Aunt told me I should write about becoming a mom... again.... after 40.  But I didn't.

Going Om became about my journey readjusting to life after returning to Canada, with a baby, without a job, and all the challenges and celebrations that life has brought over three years. It was about finding mindfulness in my life.  It was about getting healthy and well while chaos ensued around me.  It was about 'going om'.

But, for me, that was about being a mom... again... after 40... with all its ups and downs.

Because that's my life.  Or at least part of it.  And being a mom at any age with any number of children is more than just being a mom.  Us moms are more than moms.  We are friends and daughters and business owners and wives and yogis and runners and... and... and...

So I decided it was time to write about becoming a mom... again.... because my journey brought me to here.  And that, I believe, is something I had to accept.

I spoke at MoMondays in October 2013 about my experience of being a single mom (see a very short snippet of that here).  It was the beginning of releasing something I didn't know I was holding onto.

I had defined myself as a single mom for 20 years.  I WAS a single mom for 15 years, and then I wasn't.  I then had an awesome partner who shared in parenting.  And then I had another child.  And then I was married.  I had a whole family!  I wasn't a single mom anymore, and I didn't know how to not be one.  It was who I was for almost half of my life.

Over the past year, I have gone through a lot of wellness woes... if you've been following, you have read about a few of them.  A little while ago, I realized some of that was a result of my holding onto the definition of myself - a single mom.  I had an incredibly difficult time letting go of that version of myself because it was all I had.  All of my pride and success came from that.  I was good at it.  I managed it all so well for so long.  That 'fire in my belly' came from wanting the best for my child. And when I could no longer say I'm a single mom, I didn't know who I was.

I love my new life.  I love my husband and my toddler with all of my heart and soul.  I love my grown up daughter so much I could burst.  Amazingly, when I was pregnant on my youngest, I feared I would not have enough love to love her as much as I loved my now grown up child.  HA!  There is NEVER a lack of love.  Love can only grow.  There is always enough and then some.  Lesson number one.

I also feared I would not have time for my oldest's needs.  I would have a baby who is totally dependent on me and how on earth would I continue to devote my energy into my oldest??  Well, that didn't happen either.  First of all, I had a husband who also cared for my baby, my oldest, and me.  (I still am not used to it!)  I had to begin to allow him to do stuff.  Take care of things.  It was normal... it was his share of the work.  He calls it division of labour.  I call it awesome.  Second, my oldest was part of this baby's life - she is not a person separate from the family, and this new family thing can be pretty awesome.  She contributes and she receives.  (Maybe it's a little bit of birth control too:)

All wonderful.

Except that for a long time, I felt guilty about my husband doing things and my oldest daughter not getting 100% of my attention 100% of the time.  If my hubby got up in the night with the baby, I felt like I had fallen down on my job as a mother.  If he cooked supper... I had failed.  If he took care of getting snow tires on the car... yep... I was not worthy.  If my oldest got miffed about me not having the time to drive her to school, I was the worst mom in the world.  She was in university and we have a bus system.... yet, I was so accustomed to taking care of her every need that I didn't know how to let that go (I'm still working on that to be honest).

Crazy, hey?

But that is how it is when you define yourself by something.  I was successful in life because I was able to do it all alone (and quite well at the time).  I managed everything by myself, and was I ever proud of that!  And now I don't do it all alone.  My seemingly only success in life (oh, I know, there were many) is now something I am not successful at - because it doesn't exist.

It's not that I'm not still proud of being a wonderful single mom.  But I have had to go through a process of letting go of it.  I was hanging onto it for dear life... when it was taken away from me, I no longer had anything to be proud of.  I thought.

When I had that ah-ha moment that I was defining myself as being a single mom and I no longer was, I began to fully allow the new awesomeness into my life.  I laugh at my situation a lot - I mean, really... diapers... again.  I embrace having a toddler.  I have a renewed sense of child-like fun.  I am seeing the world through a child's eyes again.  I am actually enjoying bringing her to swimming and dance classes.... I thought I had done it, did it, got the t-shirt... but I'm actually loving it again.  I feared I wouldn't.  But once I embraced it all, instead of fearing it all, it all became so good.  So rich.  So meaningful.

And having a grown up child at the same time is 'da bomb'.

There are so many advantages to having raised a child before you have your next one... sure, yes, babysitting... but I don't expect that.  It's more about knowing that it's all going to be OK.  I don't fret about having the perfect birthday party or having the trendiest toys or the fact that she is not yet toilet trained.  I didn't really fret about that stuff for my oldest either, but I had an underlying worry that my way of parenting would mess her up.  Now, I don't really worry about that.  Because parents do mess up their children.  That's just the way it is.  No matter how hard we try not to, our parents have the greatest impact on us, and that is good... and it can also contribute to our humanly messed up ways - because parents are human too.

The first time around as a parent I used to say, "All you need is love."  And then I'd work really hard at making sure she knew she was loved and I'd worry that maybe something I said or did would have a negative impact on her future... so I'd work harder at being a perfect single mom.

Now, I know all you need is love.

<3